So many things are going on about now.
Mentally I'm tired, emotionally spent, my body is weary and my soul is weak.
1. My mother is a bonified alcoholic. The doctor's told her she's teetering towards a stroke and she needed to put the bottle down. Her reply was hell naw.
2. My brother is 9 and in the 4th grade. School has basically just started and he's had 2 detentions and has been suspended once. My mother's reply? "shrug"
3. I've been working every Saturday except the 23rd. I'll start again this Saturday because my desk is clouded with closing projects.
4. When I speak with my grandmother about my mother, I see the pain in her eyes. After all,she is her daughter. I hear the pain in her voice but her words are of a strong woman. "All I can do is pray, that's all we can do, I put it in His hands, all in His hands."
5. Do I hate her? No. Do I dislike her? Yes. I dislike all that my mother has become. I dislike all that she did to me. I dislike all of the thought she is putting in my brother's head. I dislike the mental strain she is putting on her parents, my grandparents. I dislike her.
6. My brother and I have different dead beat dads. His dad moreso then mine. My mother gave my brother his father's phone number. My brother calls and his wife answers. She says he will call back. My brother waits by the phone. He never calls back.
7. What do you say to a child, who cries to you that his daddy doesn't love him?
8. My answer? I smiled and told him he has enough love from me, his mommy, jha-jha (grandma) and granddaddy. Of course, I cracked a joke and pinched his cheek.. I told em besides.. who wouldn't love a face like this?
9. He was satisfied, for now. I went to the bathroom and cried.
10. I'm trying to be Wonderwoman. With my mother, I try to put on a facade that I don't care about her "not claiming me". Around my brother, I try to be his backbone, his mother, a friend, a role model, a sister.
Mentally I'm tired, emotionally spent, my body is weary and my soul is weak.
-Isis
she's physically in cleveland. emotionally in virginia. short female. 26 years old. nonchalant at times. sassy. smart-mouthed. always laughing. breathes music. single by default. workaholic by choice. an aquarius.. enough said. yes this is Her Story.
From: Cleveland, Ohio
About me: she's physically in cleveland. emotionally in virginia. short female. 26 years old. nonchalant at times. sassy. smart-mouthed. always laughing. breathes music. single by default. workaholic by choice. an aquarius.. enough said. yes this is Her Story.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
posted by thee modern isis at 9:00 AM
5 Comments:
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Post a CommentAt 9/26/2006 9:37 PM, 
layne bowden
Wow, Momma. You've got a lot on your shoulders right now and it breaks my heart.
Hang in there! Keep your head up and KNOW that even when things seem darkest you ARE equipped to handle it!! You are intitled to your pain and heartache, but don't you dare think about giving up! You are STRONG! And I have faith in you!!
I will most definitely remember you and yours in my prayers. I will be sending positive energy for your continued strength and preserverance.
Peace! Continue to Be... prayerful!
At 9/27/2006 9:46 PM, TrinaBeingTrina
Your grandmother is right...all you can do is pray and put it in His hands.
Your little brother will be fine. One day he will realize that his dad is an asshole and eventhough he will always have an empty space there he will learn to work through that pain, because he has you and he will always cherish the strength you are displaying to him.
ps. The key is to always make sure you stop and take time for you. I don't care if it is an hour out of the day to shop go to a spa or what ever. If you can get away for the weekend or whatever. But you have to have down time to keep your sanity. Please remeber that.