Monday, March 31, 2008
posted by thee modern isis at 1:54 PM

I know I have been neglecting this blog .. for some time now. It never used to be like this though, not all the time. There was a time where I couldn't wait to get to a computer so I could write about whatever happened.

I first got interested in blogging because at work I was surfing the internet and found someone. If I am not mistaken, it was Nikki. Her writing was so beautiful and hypnotic that I lobbying for her to get a book deal so I could purchase it. It had to be a crime writing that well and not getting money for it. I soon found others, a few black bloggers that wrote about anything and everything under the sun. I was so enthused that people actually put there inner most thoughts, ideas and opinions out onto the internet where strangers from all over could read them at their own leisure. I was observant to different bloggers having different styles. There are the hip-hop bloggers that know all about the latest concert or joint about to hit the clubs. The gossip bloggers that know all the low-down on all of your favorite celebs. The bloggers that used other bloggers as editors to their novels that were coming out sometime soon. The bloggers that did nothing but poetry and half the time it was so long you never knew what the hell they were talking about to begin with. The bloggers that led you into song and dance about Jesus, that you just knew they were speaking in tongues as they were typing. The clique bloggers that knew everyone and would gossip about other bloggers as if they were down the street and not 10 hours away.

So with all of the diverse bloggers out in the world, who knew what my little ol' blog would become. The thing that I do, like most, is blog about whatever I feel like blogging about. If I wrote a poem that night and felt the need to put it on my blog then I did so. If I saw something weird while I was at the P.ost O.ffice, then I typed about it. If I was dating some dude and felt the need to complain about something that happened, I did that as well.

So with that being said ..

Saturday night I was entwined with my pillow on the couch while the tv was watching me. My phone buzzed and with hesitation I picked up and answered. It was M, wanting to know what I was doing and if I wanted some company later. I answered as nonchalantly as I could by shrugging and saying, "It don't matter." I could hear the smile in his voice as he said that he would be over a little later, around 9 p.m. and we could watch a movie.

Now I was just sleep and still tired but somehow got a burst of energy when he said he would be over. I glanced at the clock and I only had 45 minutes to "freshen up". I ran from the couch to the bathroom, peeling off layers of clothes along the way as I jumped in the shower. After lathering and rinsing, I ran into the bedroom to towel off, lotion up and put something on the smelled sweet enough to eat. (nice verbage huh?) I chose some baggy sweat pants, no Ree.boks with the straps however I put on a wife beater and some fuzzy socks then ran back into the living room like a tornado picking up clothes that were distributed on the floor.

My cell phone buzzed again, it was M letting me know that he was around the corner. "Alright" I said, while trying to catch my breath and still sound sexy. I hung up and straightened up the living room some more, everything was already in order but it seems when you are awaiting company nothing seems to be in its respective place. My buzzer went off letting me know that someone was downstairs, I hit the button to let him up and unlocked the door. He walked in the door with a swagger that only he has perfected. Dressed in some blue jeans with the old school red and white J.ordans, a white hoody trimmed in red with a fitted hat that seems to sit off the corner of his head. He looked at me with his head tilted to the side, licked his bottom lip and opened his arms as if to say, " You know what to do." I did. I went to him and felt secure within his frame as I breathed him in. I breathed in his A.qua di like I had never smelled the fragrance before.

I walked over to the couch and watched as he kicked off his shoes and sat them to the side. For hours we sat and talked, laughed and smiled, flirted and stared like tomorrow was promised. The day turned into early morning and we laid next to one another. His body seemed to find mine with every move I made, and I liked it. I liked the heat I felt from his body. The kisses I felt when he wanted to wake me up. The way he said my name to let me know he was still there. The way he smirked at me when he knew he was gonna get his way. With my back turned to him, I felt him move close to my ear and whisper, "I love you Tash." I smiled on the inside, and some on the outside but didn't move so he'd think I was sleep.

We both drifted off to sleep until the alarm went off at 8 a.m. He let me know that he had to be at court a little later to pay a traffic ticket. I said okay as I watched him get dressed. He turned to face me and kissed the tip of my nose, kissed my lips and told me that he would call me later. I nodded while caressing the side of his face. As he walked back into the living room to retrieve his shoes, just before closing the door I heard him say, "I meant what I said."

Thursday, March 13, 2008
posted by thee modern isis at 10:24 AM

Since I'm getting these "hints" at a new post, I guess I'll do a random one.

I wore a t-shirt that reads, " 100% All Natural Brown Suga" to work today with a chocolate corduroy blazer, some bootcut jeans that fit me o so well and some chocolate 3-inch boots. I look fly.

A ex-dude I was messing with hit me up out of the blue this morning on the drive to work, wanting to catch up. He just sent me a text telling me that he wants to marry his girlfriend but he's hesitant because of what he may be missing out on and because he wants to get right with God.

I'm starting to feel like the dude on G.ood L.uck C.huck.. everyone he had sex with ended up getting married so women were taking numbers just to be done by this dude so they could meet their "soul mates"

Ain''t that some boulshat.

I made a whole tray of lasagna Wednesday and it'll probably go to waste cause I'm not good with leftovers.

I'm contemplating starting a business baking cakes and other select pastries (you guessed it Mon.. Pecan Tarts!) . I have a few orders lined up so next week Imma be busy.

Me and my bff went to take HIV tests last week... it came out negative and even though I play it safe, I still held my breath.

I treated myself to a new Ipod.. the ipod touch and that crap is SOOOO the shat! Tell me why did I upload 2 episodes of Martin and was laughing like I never seen them before.

I'm giving my n.ano to my brother.

Why did this man at bowling stop his conversation, look at me.. and in his best Joey voice say, " How YOU doin?"

I laughed and switched harder knowing that he was watching

Still looking for a new place to live.. still haven't found anything. I'm sort of bougie so I refuse to live in some areas of C.leveland, if push comes to shove, then I'll renew this lease but I really don't want to.

My cousin has started going to this weight boot camp thing and lost about 30 lbs. so far, (so I've heard). Greaaat news.. I'm just happy she won't be wearing her maternity pants anymore ... and her son is 3.

I got caught speeding and had to pay $178.00.. I'm still pissed.

I love the way boyshorts make me feel, no one can see them under my jeans but I wish they could.

I'm Isis... and I approve this message.

Monday, March 03, 2008
posted by thee modern isis at 12:57 PM

On Saturday, my aunt gave me a book to read, by Sunday afternoon I was done with it. The book Color Me Butterfly by L.Y. Marlow is a wonderful book. This book is about four generations of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Each woman dealt with their own version of abuse from the men in their lives and when they had children of their own, those children went through the same exact thing. Some not knowing what happened to their mother, and some experienced first hand what happened and yet the cycle still continued. This book had moments where you cried for the women and children, moments when you hated the person inflicting violence, moments where you hated the women for loving and wanting to give their already strained relationships a second, third and sometimes fourth chance and moments where you understood and were proud as if these women were in your family.

I, personally have never been in an abusive romantic relationship so I can't say what I would and wouldn't allow. I know alot of women have the idea that such things would "never" happen to them or that they would never condone a man hitting them. All that I can say about that is, "Never say Never".

What I can say is that my mother was once in a abusive relationship and it kinda ended like the limosine ride with Ike and Tina. He hit my mother but my mother jumped on him like a cougar and commenced to "beatin' dat azz". Sure she had a swollen eye and a busted lip, but so did he. She left him and never went back. My mother, however was highly abusive towards me in all ways; mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally. Mostly because she served a god that most do.. that god is alcohol and when she was under the influence alcohol told her how to act. I was also sexually abused when I was 6. I blocked it out of my head for so long that I didn't remember and when I got older had dreams and flashes of what happened and who it was. Any kind of abuse is wrong regardless of who it is.

For any woman that is going through a situation of abuse, I say please get help. If a man ever hits you, that is not love. If a man ever calls you out of your name and makes you feel inferior, that is not love. If a man ever makes you feel like you can't do better then him, that is not love. Ladies, love yourself enough to know that he has issues and those issues run so deep that you cannot save him. If he hits you one day and then returns to you with flowers, candy and a sad face telling you that he will never hit you again. He's lying. It will happen again. The abuse cycle varies but they are:
  • Build-Up Phase - The tension builds.
  • Stand-Over Phase - Verbal attacks increase.
  • Explosion Phase - A violent outburst occurs.
  • Remorse Phase - You shouldn't have pushed me, it was your fault!
  • Pursuit Phase - It will never happen again, I promise.
  • Honeymoon Phase - See, we don't have any problems!
If you have children and they are watching you get abused then your son's could possibly get older and think that is the way to treat a woman, and your girl's could grow up thinking that a man's love starts with his fist. We have got to end the cycle because the ending factor could be death.

In 2006, my cousin was fatally stabbed by her boyfriend and left to bleed to death on the kitchen floor in front of her 3 year old son and 18 month old daughter. She would have been 25 years old this year. R.I.P. Andrea Brown

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)