As I sit here at my desk, reading a Pre-Bid Doc. and sipping my coffee with the Southern Butter Pecan Creamer I'm in a state of mental frenzy.

My grandfather got admitted into the emergency room on Sunday because he fell out in church and was in the hospital until Tuesday evening. My best friend's cousin was shot and killed on the street last week. Another close friend lost her daddy last week and isn't taking it well at all. I've been arguing with my S.O since Tuesday night over a subject that is so stupid it shouldn't have been taken to the point of no return but he chose to take it there.

You see.. I don't like arguing.. I truly don't. I don't like yelling which means that I expect you to respect that enough not to yell or curse at me. When the other person is raising their voice and getting loud, I'm the one whose voice is calm yet stating how and what I feel. When I feel like you're just not trying to hear me then I get loud and indignant. I made my point Wednesday so now I'm done with it.

I'm so drained of emotion because of all of the recent events that have been spiraling that I can't continue to argue or fight over some simple B.S. My text messages have been going off all night (from him). My text messages have been blowing up all morning (from him) and I don't care.

I'm an Aquarius so I am so nonchalant and aloof it's ridiculous. I've come to realize that he wants someone to be underneath him 24/7 and if you're not then in his mind.. you don't think he's important enough and you're probably doing someone. LOL. It's not funny.. well wait.. it is to me. I have done so much for him.. being there emotionally while trying to be a cool big sister, a caring granddaughter, a determined full-time student, a team player on a bowling league and a diligent full-time worker. I am spreading myself so thin that I have lost sight of where I am and who I am. I now realized why I was single for so long, because I wanted to concentrate and do me.

So as I sit here at my desk, reading a Pre-Bid Doc. and sipping my coffee with the Southern Butter Pecan Creamer I'm at peace.

Labels: Aquarius, peace