Thursday, June 15, 2006
posted by thee modern isis at 4:09 PM

Today is my grandma's birthday. For someone that has done so much for me that it is seemingly hard to find things to do for her and tell her how much she means to me. I mean.. I am 24 years old and no matter how many years go by, my "mama" is still my ace.

You see, I was raised by my grandma. Coming into a childhood that was severe. My father was there for the first few years of my life, and around age 8 they separated and he went to West Virginia after he left the military while me and my mother were in Cleveland. My mother was in the military and just recently retired after 30 + years. Around age 11 my mother turned into an abusive alcoholic that decided to shower me with taunts, name calling, threats, fists of fury and faces of spite. Everyday my mother never hesitated to call me bitches, sluts, whores, beat me and whatever else she needed to do before she passed out in a puddle whatever drink she decided to consume that day.

Being an only child, I was a straight A student, honor roll, quiet and often shy kid that loved to have fun but never really got the opportunity. I stayed like that until high school and beyond. My grandma was my outlet. She was the person that I could tell everything to and she would never utter a soul unless I told her to. She was the person that kept telling me to pray and He'll see me through. Age 15, my mother decided to get pregnant and out pops my baby brother Ty. Still an alcoholic, my mother left me to take care of Ty. Day in and day out, I was the one that fed him, changed him, slept with him and put him to sleep throughout the night. Yes, I was the one that was up every hour on the hour changing his clothes because Simi.lac was too heavy for his stomach and he would puke it back up.. often getting back to sleep at 7 a.m. and being woke up by my mother at 8:30 a.m. so that I could get ready for school while she came in the house from working 3rd shift.

Around 16, the drinking and abuse got worse, she never hit my brother but was negligent in her ways, often leaving him unattended while she took a nap and I was at school.. I know because I often found him standing on chairs in the kitchen playing with seasoning spices while she was knocked out on the sofa with a 40 oz.

At age 17 I told my grandma I needed help, I had to get out of that house and with help from my grandfather I was able to move out. Had I not.. she might have killed me or even worse, I might have killed myself. I remember going through bouts of depression, knowig that no one loved me, often my mother would validate that by telling me she was happy she had another kid, cause she loved him more then me. My grandma was my inspiration, she is what kept me going and living. Without her telling me that I could do anything, I probably would have been in a worse off situation.

I left out alot of things that happened throughout my life, alot of hurt and pain, alot of men that came in and out of the house and alot of things that happened to me while doing so.. but

I can say that I love my grandma aka my mama with all of my heart and I can never do too much to tell her so. She was the rock and motivation that a little girl like me needed to develop into the woman that I am today.. I have achieved so much that I am thankful each and every single day to have been blessed with a person like her. As my grandma was with me, I am the person that is trying to be the rock for my brother. He remains to be with my mother until he reaches a certain age.. after that, I am taking custody.

Many times I wonder why did I go through those things, but I realized that those trials were needed to develop my character.

Damn.. the life and times. ..