her.story

Networking and Socializing

2008-12-19T08:54:00.008-05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have been away but I've had a good reason. Working, working and more working. I've been so busy and when vacation time came around I relaxed and didn't think one moment about blogging. However, yesterday I had the opportunity to do some dining and networking at the C.avs practice facility. My boyfriend works there so he asked me if I wanted to attend and of course I said yes. He showed me around the facility and through the locker room. Unforunately, the players were out of town but it's cool cause I still took pictures. Sorry about the photos, they were taken on my iPhone.

J.awad W.illiams locker. He is actually the son of one of my auntie's friends so it was cool to see him actually get signed to do something in the States finally.

Still J.awad's.

D.aniel "B.oobie" G.ibson's locker.

Offically B.oobie.

L.ebron "King" J.ames' shoes at his locker. **Mon.. I woulda tried to take a shoe for you but I was already getting side-eyed by the boo.

The King's locker

All in all.. it was really cool. I met a few nice people in sports management, media relations, public relations as well as ex-pro football player turned financial consultant D.errick R.ansom who was very nice and down to earth. We exchanged business cards and I really look forward to doing business with him in the future.

Alright ya'll.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Give a man an inch and he wants a foot

2008-08-01T10:36:00.005-04:00

I remember this one episode of Half and Half when Dee Dee was dating this guy. He had it going on in the looks department, intelligent and everything but he had a fetish with her feet. She would try and intice him with her body but he always seemed to massage her feet. It later ended because um.. he couldn't stop thinking about her feet.

I say this to say .. I had a guy like that. I dated this dude for a little while. He was madd sexy, had that sexy Philly "boul" accent, smooth skin, lips to die for, nice dress style and could "sang" his ass off. Everything was cool, until he offered me a massage.

Now I've been snuck before with the "lemme give you a massage girl" and then one thing led to another and I'm laying there in a coma-like trance like damn, he's smooth cause I got GOT.

But not with this dude.

So I do what I do. I lay down on my stomach on his black leather couch (that I think all bachelor's got from the same damn store) and he proceeds to rub my lower back. He's starting with those soft rubs that leads into kneading. Massaging all stress away. He moves up to my sides and since I'm a little ticklish I squirm a bit. He finds his way to my shoulders and I let out a "mmph" cause it's feeling a little good. He goes to the center of my back and starts moving his thumb in small circles. Then he moves down. My eyebrow raises up a bit cause I'm thinking to myself, " Say bruh.. where you goin?" He goes down lower. He slips off my peeptoe's and starts massaging my foot. I say well damn. That feels good. Then he started to kiss my feet and before I knew it, my toes went into his mouth. Hmmmm.

Tell me why he stayed on my feet for a good 30 minutes. To the point where I was like um.. can you pick another spot now because you have clearly overstayed your welcome at my feet.

The days that followed, when I would go over his house. He automatically went for my feet. Sometimes when I sat on the couch, he would sit on the floor beside me so that he could be closer to my feet. No matter what outfit I had on, he would look at my feet. I swear, I could've come out the house in a wheelchair and as long as my feet were stil attached he was a happy man.

So yeah, I ended that "relationship" quickly. I all of a sudden stopped calling because I don't think my feet were ready for that kind of committment. Everything was just so sudden.

Saturday post .. but don't get used to it

2008-07-12T08:57:00.003-04:00

I suck. No really, I do. I know I should be blogging more but I get so wrapped up. I'll comment and browse other blogs but when it actually comes down to me writing my own.. I stop. So my bad and I'll try to do better.

I have a myspace page.. kind of like the rest of America and it contains a host of family from different states, friends from college that now live somewhere else, friends from high school that are living elsewhere and then a shit load of people I have no idea who they are. They either saw my page and decided to add me, added me just for the sake of having more friends or thought I was type fly. Heh, I have my moments. So it's this dude that has been on my page for a few years. He's real cool, and we typed back and forth during the basketball season but when the CAVS went into the finals he typed less and less. He works security for them so he was traveling and kind of busy. I soon stopped typing to him whatsoever. Well, he hit me up again the beginning of this week. Just typing normal. He suggested we meet up somewhere. Now, I've seen all his photos from where he was in the Navy at some point to the photos of him pranking Lebron and putting a L-Train license plate on his Maybach. So I agree to meet with him on Thursday at this karaoke spot that him, his brother and his father frequent.

I get there and I'm sitting at the bar. Kind of nervous because the old man adjacent to me kept licking his lips and insisting that I sit next to him. As I'm sitting there eating a plate of wings, some fries and drinking a Corona with lime and grenadine, he walks through the door and stands next to me. He smiles and gives me a hug. He sits next to me, I smile at the old man and we proceed to talk and laugh about some of everything. Him and his brother stand up to perform "The Humpty Dance" and I laugh and rap along while sitting on the side.

He performed a few more songs, and his father (who has a really nice voice) sang a couple of times also. I ended up meeting majority of his fam but not on purpose, they just showed up. I found out that he grew up around the corner from my grandparents, I just never knew him. Not only that, we went to the same elementary school but we never knew each other then either.

On Friday he ended up taking me to happy hour after work and we played pool. After pool, we watched the white people play beach volleyball and bust they asses. That got boring, so we ended up going over to Wade Park around 11:00 p.m. and sat in the park on a bench watching the stars and laughing at the other couples and the fleet of africans that were chanting and clapping their hands. After that, we decided to drive over to City View and overlooked the skyline.

Saturday, we plan on going bowling around 2:30 and I got free tickets to the Indians vs. Tampa Bay game from my job so he's going to go to the game with me on Sunday.

Sounds like alot huh? He's madd cool and I'm enjoying myself immensely. I'll keep ya'll posted on whatever else happens. Oh yeah, I know I dropped alot of spots located in Cleveland but you get the gist of it.

A sorta kinda post .. but not really

2008-07-09T13:05:00.006-04:00

I know I've been neglecting my blog duties but eh.. haven't really felt like writing.

The work conference last week was busting my natural azz and it caused me to work on the weekend while getting a hotel room, but really couldn't enjoy the pillow soft bed because I was so tired.

Work is back to normal so I'm back to blogging. What else have I been doing? E.baying, playing GTA on XBox 360, rearranging my furniture and getting my feng shui on, selling things I don't need on C.raig.slist, trying to plan another vacay trip, practicing my tai chi and getting my chi in order, and that's about it.

Lemme see, back in 1999 I started chatting on Y.ahoo and with that I gained some friends that I still keep in contact with to this day, some that are closer then people I see on a daily, anywho I recently found out that this week one of the dudes I was cool with got killed down in Oklahoma. He was murdered actually and I feel all kinda ways. Blank because it came out of nowhere, sad because he was a sweet (in his own way) individual, angry because his 2 kids were in the house when someone killed him (thankfully they were unhurt), and sad all over again because his family and friends have to go on without him.

So with that being said..

R.I.P Charles, you were/are truly loved by alot.

Edit: I had to clear this up because of past incidents. He actually did pass away. It's not like the Makavelian deaths on blogger. We spoke with real relatives, actually in the Oklahoma papers and can be found on the internet.

Ipod Meme

2008-06-10T11:56:00.004-04:00

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Ghetto - J. Holiday (It's a possiblity, ghetto could be a response)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Still Say Yes - Byron Cage (Down and out and will still get on bended knee and pray)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Teenage Love - Alicia Keys (I like to feel like a teenager again, wheww nice)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
IfIwouldaknew - Musiq Soulchild (If I woulda knew today was gonna be crazy, I woulda called off)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Nice and Slow - Usher (My life's purpose is to take it nice and slow? Not sure about that)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Dontchange - Musiq Soulchild (Change for the better, yes)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Think I Love You - Dwele (yes, yes.. they all love me lol)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Nothing in This World - KeKe Wyatt (Man o man.. my parents are crazy..nothing in this world is like it.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Up and Down - Pretty Ricky (s.e.x. , this is so true)

WHAT IS 2+2?
No Time - Lil Kim (I got no time for ...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Confessions Pt. 2 - Usher (Hmm.. not so sure if she could be that honest with herself)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
So Alone - Men At Large (lol)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Land of the Heartless - Bone Thugs N' Harmony (Cleveland is the city that we come from!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
U Know What's Up (Remix) - Donell Jones

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Simply Beautiful - Queen Latifah (That man is simply beautiful)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
A Millie - Lil Wayne ft. Cory Gunz (a millie, a millie, a millie, a millie .. No idea how this goes with the question though)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Come Here - J. Holiday (My mind will be on the honeymoon so yeah this fits)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Tell Him (Live) - Lauryn Hill (Not likely but I do love this song)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dig A Hole - Jay-Z (Watching haters dig holes and bury themselves)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
U Already Know - 112 (lol revealing all of my sex songs in my ipod though)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Get Gone - Ideal (um.. huh?)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Feel So Good - Razah (feels so good.. loving somebody when somebody loves you back)

Yes I thiefed (my word) this, and you can too.

out of the kitchen and into the fire

2008-05-21T13:16:00.004-04:00

I've been meaning to blog atleast a little bit but unfortunately I didn't get the chance. I took a quick (Thurs.-Mon.) vacay to Richmond and hung out with my sister, my brother in law and my favorite nephew. Celebrated the holiday there with a couple of cookouts and then jetted back to Cleveland to get to work on Tuesday to begin getting ready for the end of FY07.

This can be summed up in one word, "crazy". It has been craziness around here with people complaining about revenue, billings and if we don't make our forecast then I doubt I'll be seeing that "oh so lovely" bonus we usually get in July. After June 1st we'll be back to normal around here and I can probably ~~blog more and download more iTunes~~ during work hours.

Updates:

Kid brother just started baseball season so I'll be out and about behind the umpire, sitting in my chair and being active in the game.

The ex is still sniffing around. He must have forgot I don't backslide. Keep it movin sir.

The side hustle is still thriving. Gained a few more customers and staying busy.

My HS is having their annual all-class reunion the 7th of June. I'm not going to that crap.

Trying to figure out where I want my next vacay to be. I will be making moves though.

I'm back to work before the VP slides over my way.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-09T08:11:00.007-04:00

I was thinking about Mother's Day and what the day means to me last night after that upset of a Cavs game and I came to the conclusion that although highly commercialized, Mother's Day is important. My mom is my grandmother and I have been calling her Mommy and Mama for years and I never thought anything of it until she actually stepped up to the plate and became my "mother".

You see, I moved out of my biological mother's house when I was a late teen due to abuse. Not just mental and emotional, but physical as well. Throughout the ordeal the only person that I could confide in that I knew would never tell a soul was my grandmother. I know it hurt her alot to see me crying and hurting but it was a promise I asked of her, a promise I needed because at that time had someone else knew, it would have only gotten worse. She gave me passages in the bible to read but as I read and prayed, prayed so hard with my eyes shut so tight that it felt I could have probably pulled The Almighty from heaven through telekineses. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years without so much as a change that I gave up on Him and lost all faith that I would be saved. I couldn't fathom why He would put one of His children through such pain, I thought about running away but figured I would only be brought back. I thought about suicide as a quick escape but quickly got off of that because I didn't have the guts to do that to myself.

I was stuck.

My grandmother was the force behind what started a huge ripple effect, an effect that ended in my grandfather getting pissed and coming to my house, looking my mother in her eye and saying, "She's coming with me." I was scared yet happy, scared because this was the first time I would be without my mother and happy because I could start living a "normal" life.

Living in my grandmother's house was a huge change. I had to be in the house at a certain time, I couldn't go out to parties, the latest I stayed out was only on prom night but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I got to hear stories about my grandmother's childhood, she told me things about me as a child, things about my mother and when she was "sane", and even told me secrets that i still to this day hold dear. My grandmother has been my rock, someone that believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. She makes me laugh and can grate my last nerve all in one day and I have no idea how I would handle it if she was to pass away.

So even though I use every day to cherish her, buy her things just because, call her at 10:45 a.m. every day Monday-Friday, visit her on Saturdays and call her on Sundays to tell her about church, Mother's Day is her day.

So Happy Mother's Day Ma, you are that and so much more to me.

Love your granddaughter, Natasha

shake what ya mama gave ya

2008-04-30T12:00:00.003-04:00

Brief intermission from work.

My car got side swiped in the parking lot while I was at the grocery store, talk about someone being HOT. I was heated and looking around the parking lot looking for a white vehicle., I swear if I would have found them they would have gotten the business.

I am loving MJB's hairstyle. Not everyone can rock the asymetrical style but she started that.. not R.ihanna.

I have a big issue. I am suspecting my BFF of foul play.. it basically includes her, another mutual female friend and her ex boyfriend. I'm sure you can put 2 and 2 together. Something isn't adding up and she's starting to act paranoid. Hmm..

This Sunday at church, pastor is doing a sermon entitled, " Fatal Attraction - Why do we keep picking the wrong mate?" I am definitely going and will probably stand the entire time. Preach pastah, preach!

My appetite has disappeared. I might eat breakfast, usually I don't. I don't eat lunch but may eat a salad and sometimes no dinner. Thing is.. I don't be hungry.

I can't wait to go on vacation, starting May 23rd ... less than a month away.

I haven't been to a concert this year, I want to go see Kanye if he comes to Cleveland.. his last concert was real nice.

I've been listening to Lil' Mo's last cd, that song "Lucky Her" is my jam.

I have to bake 2 cakes, 20 cupcakes and 4 dozen pecan tarts. I need to get to work.

I need to go out this weekend, get me a midori sour and do a line dance or 2 (and no not country line dancing)

Back to work ..

Tag... I'm it.

2008-04-23T10:26:00.002-04:00

That crazy chica Mon tagged me so I guess I have no choice huh?

Here are the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you…

2. Mention the rules in your blog…

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

1. I have a fetish for anything and everything dealing with gadgets. I not so long ago got a T-M.obile D.ash and when the S.idekick LX came out I decided I wanted it. I bartered my D.ash on C.raigslist for a brand new S.KLX and 2 months before this I got a 8 gig i.Pod T.ouch, I so want the 32 gig now.

2. I am a packrat to the 5th power. My second bedroom is a junkroom and I still have boxes of things from when I moved (2.5 years ago). At my grandmother's house, I still have books from when I was in 4th grade and I recently found my old cabbage patch doll with the diaper and my nightgown I put on it many many moons ago.

Wait.. I found my training bra too... that thing won't even cover a nipple now let alone anything else.

3. I have a thing with cleaning my nose and my ears. I will whip out a compact mirror in a second and look in my nostrils to make sure all is well. As for my ears, I use q-tips every other day and I love the way that it feels.

4. When I was little, I used to love the smell of gasoline when my mom used to gas up the car. I don't know what it is, but I still like it.

5. No matter where I am, I always crack my back not to be confused with.. getting my back cracked.

6. I eat extremely s.l.o.w., unless I am starving and haven't eaten in a couple days, I take forever to finish a plate.

And I added a bonus just for good measure. I hate my food touching. For example if the meal is greens, chicken, corn bread and macaroni and cheese then my plate will have on it the chicken and macaroni. The collard greens will be warmed up separately and any excess juice will be drained into the sink. The corn bread will be on a piece of paper towel.

I'm not tagging, do it if ya want.

Things I could be doing right now if I wasn't at work

2008-04-21T14:33:00.005-04:00

So since I'm at work and don't want to be here, I've compiled a list of things that I would rather be doing.

Here goes:

I would rather be cleaning up my place, I have a thing for the smell of pine-sol when you walk into a home
SHOPPING!! The weather is nice and I need to go get that lovely pedicure so I can wear my peep toe shoes.
Playing Wii
Baking .. I have a couple of pound cakes I need to be making.
If gas wasn't so damn high, I could go for a nice long drive with E.ric R.oberson on rotation (I swear Softest Lips was made about me)
Sitting on the porch talking to my granny with a glass of lemonade. I swear she is the funniest person I know.

Things that I am doing since I can't do the things I want to do:

Printing out a 131 page specification to be duplicated 9 times
Creating a spreadsheet of projects with outstanding warranties dating from 181-365+ days old.
Shipping out a pre-bid package
Waiting on the CM to call me with information on another pre-bid coming soon
~~blogging and reading blogs~~
Trying to get superintendents to sign these damn final inspection forms
~~texting~~
Checking the time

2 hours and 9 minutes left.

young cougar?

2008-04-11T08:17:00.003-04:00

So I'm sure we have all heard the term "Cougar". It is defined as a older woman who is on the look out for younger men. Cougars usually are 40 and up while the men they check up on are 20 years their junior.

I think I am in training.

So I am five feet tall... plus a little change here and there. I have a baby face so I am usually carded everywhere I go. Depending on the hairstyles I choose to rock, it can make it better or worse. Last year I was rocking a short, spiked hair style. Now it's in micro braids. I look young.

I get hit on by older dudes that were in the graduating class of 22' as well as younger dudes that just graduated (high school).

SOOooo.. I meet this dude and he approaches me unlike guys my age. He actually has a little suaveness. I see him about once every 3 weeks because I am usually always on the go. A few weeks ago I actually have nothing to do that day so I come home to relax a little and watch a dvd. He's coming outside as I'm going in my complex, so we stop and chat it up for a second. We exchange numbers and we laugh. Later on that day, he sends me a text letting me know that he was glad we actually got the opportunity to talk for a second and whatnot. My curiosity sets in and I shoot him a text asking how old he is. A few seconds later, he answers with.. 19.

I think I stared at the text for a couple of minutes too long because he sends another text asking if he scared me off yet.

He is 19 years old and I'm 7 years older then he is. So I started putting some things into prospective, such as. He does have his own place, his own car, a job at the hospital, in school, no kids.

He's 19 though.

My name is Isis ...

and I'm a cougar in training.

it's like this .. it's like that

2008-03-31T13:54:00.007-04:00

I know I have been neglecting this blog .. for some time now. It never used to be like this though, not all the time. There was a time where I couldn't wait to get to a computer so I could write about whatever happened.

I first got interested in blogging because at work I was surfing the internet and found someone. If I am not mistaken, it was Nikki. Her writing was so beautiful and hypnotic that I lobbying for her to get a book deal so I could purchase it. It had to be a crime writing that well and not getting money for it. I soon found others, a few black bloggers that wrote about anything and everything under the sun. I was so enthused that people actually put there inner most thoughts, ideas and opinions out onto the internet where strangers from all over could read them at their own leisure. I was observant to different bloggers having different styles. There are the hip-hop bloggers that know all about the latest concert or joint about to hit the clubs. The gossip bloggers that know all the low-down on all of your favorite celebs. The bloggers that used other bloggers as editors to their novels that were coming out sometime soon. The bloggers that did nothing but poetry and half the time it was so long you never knew what the hell they were talking about to begin with. The bloggers that led you into song and dance about Jesus, that you just knew they were speaking in tongues as they were typing. The clique bloggers that knew everyone and would gossip about other bloggers as if they were down the street and not 10 hours away.

So with all of the diverse bloggers out in the world, who knew what my little ol' blog would become. The thing that I do, like most, is blog about whatever I feel like blogging about. If I wrote a poem that night and felt the need to put it on my blog then I did so. If I saw something weird while I was at the P.ost O.ffice, then I typed about it. If I was dating some dude and felt the need to complain about something that happened, I did that as well.

So with that being said ..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday night I was entwined with my pillow on the couch while the tv was watching me. My phone buzzed and with hesitation I picked up and answered. It was M, wanting to know what I was doing and if I wanted some company later. I answered as nonchalantly as I could by shrugging and saying, "It don't matter." I could hear the smile in his voice as he said that he would be over a little later, around 9 p.m. and we could watch a movie.

Now I was just sleep and still tired but somehow got a burst of energy when he said he would be over. I glanced at the clock and I only had 45 minutes to "freshen up". I ran from the couch to the bathroom, peeling off layers of clothes along the way as I jumped in the shower. After lathering and rinsing, I ran into the bedroom to towel off, lotion up and put something on the smelled sweet enough to eat. (nice verbage huh?) I chose some baggy sweat pants, no Ree.boks with the straps however I put on a wife beater and some fuzzy socks then ran back into the living room like a tornado picking up clothes that were distributed on the floor.

My cell phone buzzed again, it was M letting me know that he was around the corner. "Alright" I said, while trying to catch my breath and still sound sexy. I hung up and straightened up the living room some more, everything was already in order but it seems when you are awaiting company nothing seems to be in its respective place. My buzzer went off letting me know that someone was downstairs, I hit the button to let him up and unlocked the door. He walked in the door with a swagger that only he has perfected. Dressed in some blue jeans with the old school red and white J.ordans, a white hoody trimmed in red with a fitted hat that seems to sit off the corner of his head. He looked at me with his head tilted to the side, licked his bottom lip and opened his arms as if to say, " You know what to do." I did. I went to him and felt secure within his frame as I breathed him in. I breathed in his A.qua di G.io like I had never smelled the fragrance before.

I walked over to the couch and watched as he kicked off his shoes and sat them to the side. For hours we sat and talked, laughed and smiled, flirted and stared like tomorrow was promised. The day turned into early morning and we laid next to one another. His body seemed to find mine with every move I made, and I liked it. I liked the heat I felt from his body. The kisses I felt when he wanted to wake me up. The way he said my name to let me know he was still there. The way he smirked at me when he knew he was gonna get his way. With my back turned to him, I felt him move close to my ear and whisper, "I love you Tash." I smiled on the inside, and some on the outside but didn't move so he'd think I was sleep.

We both drifted off to sleep until the alarm went off at 8 a.m. He let me know that he had to be at court a little later to pay a traffic ticket. I said okay as I watched him get dressed. He turned to face me and kissed the tip of my nose, kissed my lips and told me that he would call me later. I nodded while caressing the side of his face. As he walked back into the living room to retrieve his shoes, just before closing the door I heard him say, "I meant what I said."

Damn

Random-itis

2008-03-13T10:24:00.002-04:00

Since I'm getting these "hints" at a new post, I guess I'll do a random one.

I wore a t-shirt that reads, " 100% All Natural Brown Suga" to work today with a chocolate corduroy blazer, some bootcut jeans that fit me o so well and some chocolate 3-inch boots. I look fly.

A ex-dude I was messing with hit me up out of the blue this morning on the drive to work, wanting to catch up. He just sent me a text telling me that he wants to marry his girlfriend but he's hesitant because of what he may be missing out on and because he wants to get right with God.

I'm starting to feel like the dude on G.ood L.uck C.huck.. everyone he had sex with ended up getting married so women were taking numbers just to be done by this dude so they could meet their "soul mates"

Ain''t that some boulshat.

I made a whole tray of lasagna Wednesday and it'll probably go to waste cause I'm not good with leftovers.

I'm contemplating starting a business baking cakes and other select pastries (you guessed it Mon.. Pecan Tarts!) . I have a few orders lined up so next week Imma be busy.

Me and my bff went to take HIV tests last week... it came out negative and even though I play it safe, I still held my breath.

I treated myself to a new Ipod.. the ipod touch and that crap is SOOOO the shat! Tell me why did I upload 2 episodes of Martin and was laughing like I never seen them before.

I'm giving my n.ano to my brother.

Why did this man at bowling stop his conversation, look at me.. and in his best Joey voice say, " How YOU doin?"

I laughed and switched harder knowing that he was watching

Still looking for a new place to live.. still haven't found anything. I'm sort of bougie so I refuse to live in some areas of C.leveland, if push comes to shove, then I'll renew this lease but I really don't want to.

My cousin has started going to this weight boot camp thing and lost about 30 lbs. so far, (so I've heard). Greaaat news.. I'm just happy she won't be wearing her maternity pants anymore ... and her son is 3.

I got caught speeding and had to pay $178.00.. I'm still pissed.

I love the way boyshorts make me feel, no one can see them under my jeans but I wish they could.

I'm Isis... and I approve this message.

Color Me Butterfly

2008-03-03T12:57:00.005-05:00

On Saturday, my aunt gave me a book to read, by Sunday afternoon I was done with it. The book Color Me Butterfly by L.Y. Marlow is a wonderful book. This book is about four generations of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Each woman dealt with their own version of abuse from the men in their lives and when they had children of their own, those children went through the same exact thing. Some not knowing what happened to their mother, and some experienced first hand what happened and yet the cycle still continued. This book had moments where you cried for the women and children, moments when you hated the person inflicting violence, moments where you hated the women for loving and wanting to give their already strained relationships a second, third and sometimes fourth chance and moments where you understood and were proud as if these women were in your family.

I, personally have never been in an abusive romantic relationship so I can't say what I would and wouldn't allow. I know alot of women have the idea that such things would "never" happen to them or that they would never condone a man hitting them. All that I can say about that is, "Never say Never".

What I can say is that my mother was once in a abusive relationship and it kinda ended like the limosine ride with Ike and Tina. He hit my mother but my mother jumped on him like a cougar and commenced to "beatin' dat azz". Sure she had a swollen eye and a busted lip, but so did he. She left him and never went back. My mother, however was highly abusive towards me in all ways; mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally. Mostly because she served a god that most do.. that god is alcohol and when she was under the influence alcohol told her how to act. I was also sexually abused when I was 6. I blocked it out of my head for so long that I didn't remember and when I got older had dreams and flashes of what happened and who it was. Any kind of abuse is wrong regardless of who it is.

For any woman that is going through a situation of abuse, I say please get help. If a man ever hits you, that is not love. If a man ever calls you out of your name and makes you feel inferior, that is not love. If a man ever makes you feel like you can't do better then him, that is not love. Ladies, love yourself enough to know that he has issues and those issues run so deep that you cannot save him. If he hits you one day and then returns to you with flowers, candy and a sad face telling you that he will never hit you again. He's lying. It will happen again. The abuse cycle varies but they are:

Build-Up Phase - The tension builds.
Stand-Over Phase - Verbal attacks increase.
Explosion Phase - A violent outburst occurs.
Remorse Phase - You shouldn't have pushed me, it was your fault!
Pursuit Phase - It will never happen again, I promise.
Honeymoon Phase - See, we don't have any problems!

If you have children and they are watching you get abused then your son's could possibly get older and think that is the way to treat a woman, and your girl's could grow up thinking that a man's love starts with his fist. We have got to end the cycle because the ending factor could be death.

In 2006, my cousin was fatally stabbed by her boyfriend and left to bleed to death on the kitchen floor in front of her 3 year old son and 18 month old daughter. She would have been 25 years old this year. R.I.P. Andrea Brown

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Is that a damn summer sausage?

2008-02-26T13:49:00.006-05:00

Alot of crap has been going on i.e. work, school, Tai-Chi, men, family reunion planning, men, kid brother, boys, my mother, my father, boys, my best friend, looking for a new spot to live and men.

I think that about sums it up.. so instead of typing about what's going on now.. I'll talk about the odd-ball "this only happens to me" type uh' crap that happened a few weeks ago.

So .. I'm at work and I get in a package from the field personnel. I sit the U.PS package to the side and proceed to do some other work i.e. on A.mazon, or listening to music, talking on the phone, or searching my gossip blogs. I get ready to do some work, I open up the package and notices it's one of my big jobs that I've been waiting on to finish up so I can get the warranty and whatnot done. I take out the disks to move the photos onto the the project file on the computer when somethin catches my eye. Instead of naming each file by a specific roof section, this particular superintendent names it a female name. Just in case legal is surfing the net.. he named it **"Gina". Not really thinking anything of it.. I click on it and a huge .jpg file of some woman with a summer sausage in her snatch with the superintendent assisting her in her endeavors is on my computer screen.

Well, since I am at work and I knowingly would never search pron while at work.. I jumped up from my desk and yelled OH SHYT.

Of course, that started a couple of "OMG's, WTF's and Isis???!!!" responses from my coworkers. My supervisor and Vice P. are involved and long story short... this superintendent is now under investigation.

** the names have been changed to protect the erra uh.. innocent??
*** Side note: I hope he took Gina to the emergency room after cause I'm sure her insides are all shifted to the side.

timing

2008-01-24T10:18:00.000-05:00

I just found out that an old male "friend" of mine is getting ready to welcome a baby soon. Yes, I am happy for him since he doesn't have any children and this would be his first child. He is a young African-American male that is currently pursuing his dreams by playing football semi-professionally.

He was my first kiss in second grade.. the kiss that left me yelling, "ew" and running out of our nicely single-file lavatory line and back into Mrs. Geters classroom. He was my first crush as he wore a grey suit, a tapered flat top and too much vaseline on his face for school pictures in third grade. As I sat on the porch with one of my girls listening to "dial my heart" on the boombox while he walked down the street with his football shoulder pads on running late for practice.. he would wave and I would roll my eyes but I always liked him. He was that boy that told everyone confidently in the class that he liked me.

We lost contact but we always came back. At 21, adults then.. I looked at him differently then I did when I was 7 years old. At 21 he was 6 feet tall, slender athletic frame with a neatly trimmed goatee and possessed a chisled 6-pack (ha!). We were a couple.. but not quite. We did everything together, went everywhere together, everyone thought we were a couple but we weren't. People would ask me why.. I would reply simply..

The timing wasn't right.

We got older but lost touch a little .. did whatever on the side but we always established a sense that whatever happened we were going to get together in the end and raise a family since I was (in his words) the girl he always wanted and compared everyone to.

Well, imagine my surprise when I go onto My.space (it's the devil ya'll) and notice that his new girlfriend is soon to be expecting. He had somehow not even mentioned it to me .. the girlfriend or the pregnancy.

Imagine how I felt when he sent me a text telling me he had a dream that I was the one having his baby. That I was the one raising a family with him. That he thinks about me alot. Kinda too late now huh? So in the midst of having this conversation, I told him congratulations on being a daddy and tried to muster enough courage to send a smile through the phone waves.

I can't say that I'm not disappointed .. I can't say that I'm not hurt.. but I do realize that time waits for no (wo)man.

I'm also wise enough to see that it wasn't "timing" that wasn't ready... it was me that wasn't.

End of year meme

2007-12-27T16:00:00.000-05:00

1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
2007 started off with a bang.. I laughed alot, cried some, loved hard, grew alot and attempting to be a better woman for the 08'.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Going to San Diego and walking barefoot on the sand while the sun was setting.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Having a fibroid removed.. that was the first time in my life I had any form of surgery.

4) Where were you when 2007 began?
At my granny's house

5) Who were you with?
With my granny

6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
Probably over my aunt's house laughing and talking.. watching the ball drop with a glass of champagne and a strawberry.

7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
My family

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
I don't make em'.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?
Not really.. I'm just going to put alot of things behind me.. dead weight and dead people.

10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yeah.. I fell in love.

11) If yes, with who?
With R

12) If yes, do they know?
He knows

13) Are you still in love with them?
Yeah.. but I'm forcing myself to move on.

14) You regret it?
I never regret anything. Life is full of lessons.. so I take my lesson like a big girl and don't make the same mistakes twice.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
Yeah.. I broke up with R and it hurt worse then I thought it would.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
I made a few associates

17) Who are your (most memorable) favorite new friends?
No favorite new associates .. "friend" is such a strong word.

18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
July

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
Nope

20) How many different states have you traveled in 2007?
4

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
A few deaths ... not closely though. I lost alot of seasonal people.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
My sister .. my brother

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
Hmm.. I rather enjoyed I.am. Legend

24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
Just Fine (Mary J. Blige)

"No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine ..."

25) What was your favorite album from 2007?
Growing Pains - Mary J Blige
Finding Forever - Common
Graduation - Kanye
I Am - Chrisette Michelle
As I Am - Alicia Keys

26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
Nada

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
No.. I didn't get the opportunity

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
On my birthday (Feb 18).. but of course

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
Prescribed Medication.. hell yes.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
That question is so open..

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I am never ashamed of anything that I do. Life is filled with life lessons and if I happen to do anything then I will always take something away from the experience.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
That I was fine and could deal with it.. when in reality I couldn't and it ended up driving a wedge in between.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
Honestly.. I can't remember.. it rolls off my back like water.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
Not at all

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Not really

36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
Enough

37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
When my brother was on the baseball team and told the heckler to watch him hit it out of the park. With that being said.. he took a swing and it went into outfield causing a homerun and his big sister jumping up and down yelling, "Now What??!!"

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
I would say it was when I was about to get a CAT scan and when to drink that liquid. They kept rushing me to drink it fast and when I did.. I upchucked all over the doctor. HA!

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 what would it be?
When I first met R and we were both engrossed in all of the possibilities of us.

40) What are your plans for 2008?
To live my life like it's golden. To appreciate more then ever that God has a divine plan for me and to keep Him first and everything else will fall into place.

How do I know? Because He told me so.

Happy New Year folks.

and all through the job.. not a soul was working ...

2007-12-26T11:32:00.000-05:00

Alright.. so in between me texting people complaining about how bored I am, calling random people and not a soul is answering cause they're all out shopping.. I am stuck at work bored as all hell.

Christmas was cool .. I'm a sucker for socks and blankets and I got plenty of them from the fam. Also, some pretty fly boots from my grandma, some jazzy shirts from my aunt and of course my lounge pants that rep C.leveland/O.hio.. i.e. O.SU, B.rowns and I.ndians. R laced me with the entire line of M.oonlight P.ath ... loves it and I am so going to go home and take a bubble bath tonight.

Me and R had a nice discussion and I (he didn't particularly agree) decided that we would be better off "not together". Without putting all of the bizz out there, some unnecessary drama and some personal dealings that he needs to work on contributed to my decision. I didn't mind exchanging gifts seeing as how I ordered his gift and it was already shipped and I already purchased his daughter items that I wanted to give to her.

I am not sure what I am doing for New Years .. might spend it over my cousin's house drinking champagne with strawberries in it like we did last time.

Anyway.. I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday and hopefully rings in the New Year in a safe and positive light.

Thanksgiving Weekend Review

2007-11-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

All in all, my Thanksgiving was cool.

The drunk auntie that can't stand noise didn't make it this year.. and usually when she says," Child.. I don't think I'm coming." She shows up and pisses us all off. This year we had a family pool going on if she was going to come or not.. and after all these years of saying she's not coming.. she actually didn't come. It was beautiful! Now don't get me wrong.. we love her to death.. DEATH... lol but she's a pain. She complains about every damn thing under the sun, she fusses, she knows it all and you know nothing especially if you were there and she wasn't, she never makes the dish that everyone likes.. she rather bring some crap that no one on God's green earth wants .. like boiled brussel sprouts, she reaches for the wine like it's a career goal and she'll drink all damn day while singing Down Home Blues and cussing at us when the TV's t0o loud (above a mouse pissing on cotton is too loud).

No one had to ask who made the potato salad this year because my cousin lays it out. The prodigal son (my male cousin) came over for Thanksgiving even though he moved in with his girlfriend across town and she's trying to separate him from his fam and friends.

I went to see T.his C.hristmas and B.eowulf. They both were really good, I remember having to read the book B.eowulf for a literature course so it was nice seeing things on the screen and associating it with the book. Also, T.his C.hristmas was madd funny, from the sexy men (I.dris, C.olumbus, L.az) to the "I know that's right!" parts.

Saturday evening - Sunday afternoon I spent entwined and entangled with R. From a hot oil massage that turned into something else.. to the breakfast in bed made with my coffee with cream and 3 sugars. Wrestled with the kids (his daughter and nephew) then wrestled with him (ha). I enjoyed the evening very much so.

I came home to shampoo and conditon my hair, curled up on the couch with my B.rowns lounge pants and a wife beater and watched C.old C.ase.

My weekend was wonderful. I hope everyone had a great holiday.

untitled

2007-11-09T10:25:00.000-05:00

As I sit here at my desk, reading a Pre-Bid Doc. and sipping my coffee with the Southern Butter Pecan Creamer I'm in a state of mental frenzy.

My grandfather got admitted into the emergency room on Sunday because he fell out in church and was in the hospital until Tuesday evening. My best friend's cousin was shot and killed on the street last week. Another close friend lost her daddy last week and isn't taking it well at all. I've been arguing with my S.O since Tuesday night over a subject that is so stupid it shouldn't have been taken to the point of no return but he chose to take it there.

You see.. I don't like arguing.. I truly don't. I don't like yelling which means that I expect you to respect that enough not to yell or curse at me. When the other person is raising their voice and getting loud, I'm the one whose voice is calm yet stating how and what I feel. When I feel like you're just not trying to hear me then I get loud and indignant. I made my point Wednesday so now I'm done with it.

I'm so drained of emotion because of all of the recent events that have been spiraling that I can't continue to argue or fight over some simple B.S. My text messages have been going off all night (from him). My text messages have been blowing up all morning (from him) and I don't care.

I'm an Aquarius so I am so nonchalant and aloof it's ridiculous. I've come to realize that he wants someone to be underneath him 24/7 and if you're not then in his mind.. you don't think he's important enough and you're probably doing someone. LOL. It's not funny.. well wait.. it is to me. I have done so much for him.. being there emotionally while trying to be a cool big sister, a caring granddaughter, a determined full-time student, a team player on a bowling league and a diligent full-time worker. I am spreading myself so thin that I have lost sight of where I am and who I am. I now realized why I was single for so long, because I wanted to concentrate and do me.

So as I sit here at my desk, reading a Pre-Bid Doc. and sipping my coffee with the Southern Butter Pecan Creamer I'm at peace.

sick and tired of being sick

2007-10-08T12:21:00.000-04:00

Alright.. so ya girl has been out of commission for awhile. Not to say that I am blaming my antiblogging on this cold/death certificate but why not? I have been sick since Tuesday, yes looking at the calendar that would have been October 2, 2007. Since I work in an office any germs that the (non-blacks) tend to cough into the atmosphere have strategically placed themselves on my face. I caught whatever "bug" was going around and did a half day. On Wednesday I called off of work because for some reason.. waking up every hour on the hour and hacking up a piece of my lung was just not becoming to me.

I will admit.. I, Isis am a HUGE baby when I am sick. So after coughing, gagging, choking and wheezing all day my boo decided to come over and take care of me. He came over that night around 7 p.m. while I was laying on the floor in front of the t.v. surrounded by balled up tissues, a glass of orange juice and a package of H.alls. When he walked in the first thing he said was "awww my baby is sick." That was all the attention I needed for me to poke my bottom lip out and muster a faint.. "mm hmm." So while he made soup, refilled my glass of orange juice, made green tea, rubbed my back and handed me tissue I still felt like dying.. but was loved.

I know I made it difficult for him to sleep since I was working on hacking up my kidneys in between 2-5 a.m. and everytime I jumped out of the bed he woke up and asked me if I was ok. The coughing spells and him rubbing my lower back and holding me when I did drift off to sleep. Bless his heart though.. he won cool points with me for that one.

Thursday, me being me I decided I might be able to go to work so I went and ended up (almost) dying at my desk so I did a half day and went home again. Friday I decided that I was not going to go to work and went over my grandma's house cause frankly.. mama is mama and she's going to make it all better. Saturday and Sunday I felt better and here I am today on a damn holiday where my job is open and coughing up a fibula.

Not to mention on Saturday I spent a good 2 and a half hours taking down these itty bitty braids on my boo's daughter's head. Now granted.. she's 4-years old and won't sit still unless I played 'O.pen S.eason" back to back. Getting the braids down wasn't half the battle, the battle was trying to comb out that mess. OMG. Between her onstant "ow's" and me saying "sit still girl". Her head looked like M.artin when G.ina found him at the cult and he was rocking half braids and half fro' and I just could not take it anymore. After that, I gave her the comb and told her to ask her daddy to finish. I know that was wrong .. but I was still coughing and not feeling that well to battle a 4-year old and a head full of hair.

So here I am.. with a hoody on and a wastebasket full of tissues wishing you all a ~~nice~~ Holiday!

This is why I'm hot ..

2007-08-29T16:37:00.000-04:00

The rules are to elaborate on the word(s) I've put in bold lettering below.

Accent – I don't have an accent. I live in Cleveland and whenever I go visit fam down south they say "you sound like you from up north" No idea but I don't have an accent!

I Don't Drink – orange juice with pulp. It has to be no pulp or I'll gag.

Chore I Hate – I HATE folding clothes. I can wash all day but when it comes to folding.. I hate it.

Pets – I love dogs and eventually I want a yorkie. When I was a kid I had about 5 dogs in my lifetime (not simultaneously) and my mother got rid of each and everyone of them on the basis of her being afraid of ALL animals.

Essential Electronic – I have to have my cellphone/PDA with me at all times

Perfume/Cologne – I wear D&G Feminine, Victoria's Secret Pink and Ceruti Image'. For men I love the scent of Jean Paul Gaultier.

Gold or silver – I used to rock nothing but gold.. especially my fat herringbone with my nameplate.. but I grew out of it and now I like silver.

Insomnia – I used to be able to stay up in college but now I have to be in bed no later then 12 a.m. and if I have to work I'll be in bed around 10 p.m.

Job Title – Construction Administrator

Most Admired Trait – I get compliments on my lips and my smile

Kids – I love kids and will probably want atleast 3 when the time is right.

Religion – I was raised Baptist and went to Catholic school.. how that works out I have no idea but I wish a nun would hit my knuckles. pshhh

Siblings – I have a 10 yr old brother and a 28 yr old sister. I also have a male cousin that's 16 who I think of as a brother.

Time I wake up – I wake up at 6 a.m. M-F and 8:30 on the weekends.

Unusual talent/skill – I'm double jointed in my arms so I can clasp my hands together and rotate them front to back while still connected.

Vegetable I refuse to eat – My grandma used to make me eat lima beans and black eyed peas when I was little so now I hate them. I also will absolutely not eat okra.

Worst habit – I can hold a grudge like a mutha----.. I also have the ability to write a person out of my life with no hesitation.

X-rays – Last year I have had every kind of x-ray imaginable.. the last was my stomach.

My favorite meal – I love italian food and also seafood.

Finish the sentence ..

2007-08-24T08:39:00.000-04:00

1. I love... ME, my family, my friends, God

2. Right now I want... to finish drinking my cup of coffee before a construction manager calls me requesting work done

3. I feel like... i am so well rested

4. I hate it when... i have dreams of someone close to me dying

5. I fear... my relationship with my mother will never be back to the way it was

6. I'm lonely without ... N/A.. I rarely get "lonely"

7. I need... to get my rear brakes fixed

8. Today I... will get my eyebrows waxed during lunch and get my hair done after work .. then go play pool tonight with Rob

9. Tomorrow I'm... supposed to go out of town with his family to Kentucky but I don't see that happening now.. I have a Sunday class

10. I just... looked at the newspaper website.. the world is crazy

11. I want to meet... Winnie Mandela.. I thought she is/was a strong woman

12. I'm hungry for... mandarine oranges in light syrup

13. I love it when... i have conversations with my kid brother. The weight of his intelligence never ceases to amaze me.

14. I'm afraid of... standing up in front of an audience

15. I'm listening to... my co-worker gossipping about her baby daddy

16. I'm wearing... khaki linen capris with a chocolate short sleeved blouse and chocolate suede baby doll shoes

17. I wish I was in... a wifebeater with some baby sweatpants and fuzzy socks at home on the couch

18. I'm craving... those damn mandarine oranges in light syrup

19. I want to get... rich by winning the M.ega Mi.llions .. that crap is up to over 300 Mil.

20. I can... tell by the revenue reports I'm getting that next week is going to be CRAZY!

21. I can't... wait until a good r&b cd drops .. im anticipating Ji.ll Sc.ott's new CD and T.eedra Mo.ses' 2nd LP

22. I have... been so much time with Rob that I don't want the days to end *sighs*

23. I haven't... been over my grandma's house in 4 days.. it's about time i get movin

24. I'm too nervous to... N/A I'm not nervous about crap

25. My Mom thinks/thought I was... going to never leave .. the abuse got to be too much

26. My Dad thinks I'm... over him never being around.. I pray one day I will be.

27. My liver... was abused horribly at my 25th birthday party.

28. I'm most happy when... sitting at my granny's feet with my head in her lap.

29. I'm sad when... parents abuse there kids.. i know the damage it does

30. I like eating... chicken!

31. I hate eating... brussel sprouts .. them things stink.

32. I love watching... movies.

33. I love listening to... all kinds of music.

34. I like playing... playstation

35. I hate waking up to... the sounds of a sirens

36. I can see... that it's time to do some work

37. I'm glad that.... i still smile when i see those "thinking of you" text messages

38. I'm disappointed that... my cousin gave my auntie no other choice but to kick him out of the house

39. I look like... i need a drink

40. I wish I looked like... i won the M.ega M.illions!

Preparation is ideal in some cases

2007-08-23T12:26:00.000-04:00

I went to a funeral not too long ago and was so shocked at the things I had learned. It was a elderly woman that passed away.. but she had already had her entire funeral mapped out. I guess when you're young you really don't take the time to think about when you pass let alone who you want speaking on your behalf. The things she had prepared were mind boggling though..

the dress to be buried in
her own make-up and nail polish
earrings
shoes
obituary already made up
a self written poem to the family
sealed up all requests and had one issued to her daughter and one issued to the funeral home

I remember a long time ago in school as a class project we wrote our obituaries out. I can't remember what I said but I know it damn near boiled down to who I was giving my prized possessions away to. My Sega Genesis was given to a cousin and my 10-speed mountain bike was left to my best friend. lol I mean shit.. I was young so I didn't own anything at the time. I thought about it though after that funeral and wondered what I would write about in my obituary.

Would my funeral be a ghetto turn out filled with family members snapping pictures in front of the casket like there was a drop background of a stretch Hummer and bottles of champagne?

Would people be tossing themselves on the casket while I'm in the earth talking about, " ahhh Jesus Noooo.. please take me instead.. why her??? Jesus why herrrrr???!!!"

Would people wear air brushed shirts that had a picture of me on the front and said on the back.. "R.I.P. Tasha"?

Would someone break out into a fight in the middle of the church while the organist plays a beautiful rendition of, " Whoop.. There is it"?

What? I'm just sayin...

welcome back.. welcome back.. welcome back!

2007-07-19T11:32:00.000-04:00

So I decided while at work not doing a damn thing that I'll start blogging again. Not like much is exciting in my life but got damn.. if someone would have told me that Blogger now saves your drafts automatically.. I woulda been back sooner. (I doubt it but the idea was kinda cute.) So.. what has been going on in my life? Not a damn thing!

I've been grinding madd hard at the job because basically since I'm a young, intelligent black female in a mostly dominate white man's field I have to prove myself x's 5. Other then that.. I'm trying to make my dough between 8:30-5:00 and leave the slaveship quick fast and in a hurry. I've been doing alot of meetings lately and it's finally slowing down so I think I'm safe.

Lemme see.. I've been maintaining my status quo of being stylish and chic. Got the new spikey hair cut, the eyebrows waxed and arched madd nicely and the cute colorful heels. Only thing is... since I attempt to go running 3 times a week.. and when I say attempt it's like in between a power walk and a gallup lmao but my hair starts to sweat and my cute-do looks something like who did it.. and you need to slap the hell out of em' if they do it again.

I'm kinda like a baseball ~~mom~~ for my brother's little league team. I go to every damn game and you would notice that I am the one that goes to her trunk, pulls out a fold out chair.. sits it under the shade... sits down for 5 minutes and as soon as the umpire says " Ball In!" I go and stand behind the plate the ENTIRE TIME. I know all the kids names, cheers on the pitcher and gives them pep talks when they lose. So much so that the coaches call me Coach. They tried to get me to keep score but by the time that shit ended I had a score of 13-7 and I don't think they did 13. We'll just say that the other team loved me since I gave them more runs.. and MVP aka my brother's team didn't like it so well. Soooo.. I haven't kept score since.. I don't want to.. but I don't think they do either.

I've taken up bowling as a hobby.. shit sounds corny but I'm so serious about my games son! I go on Sundays and since I'm me.. all the old ass geezers hit on me. I get a discounted game.. usually 3 dollars for however long I wanna bowl cause I know the dude that owns it. Soon as I take the ball and get my form right.. I turn around and all them damn N***** (since the N word died) is staring at me. Other then the dirty feeling of having some dude that's 30 + years my senior trying to give me personalized "lessons" and the fat dude that I doubt very seriously can see his mini me due to the excess roll around the waist.. it's alright I guess.

Brief story.. tell me why I went to San Diego for a week to kick it with my older male cousin.. who didn't tell me that he was getting evicted from his apt. that I was gonna stay in with him, the apt. was the size of HALF an efficiency, had a crazy ass puerto rican girlfriend who he explained as "40 first dates" cause evidently this broad ain't remember nothing from past days, wanted to take me to see every damn site in Cali but had no money for gas.. so I did what any sane person would do. I booked a one way flight back to Cleveland early.. disregarded the money I wasted on a round trip flight and called it a day.

I'm back.

-Isis

remnants of my mind on this cold ass day

2007-02-07T09:36:00.000-05:00

I have one good windshield wiper. The rubber from the right wiper got demolished with the ice so the only good one is the right wiper.

I spilled a cup of coffee on my burnt orange timbs. Now they're stained.

My kid brother got straight A's on his report card so I took him to see Stomp The Yard. He was sad when he found out Chris Brown died within the first 10 minutes then after the movie told all the kids Chris Brown died and they all mourned him. (the kids thought he died for real lmao)

I'm having my first birthday party (since I am an adult) on the 17th. The last party I had, I was 7 and it was a party for me and my mother since her birthday is on the 17th and mine is the 18th.

I broke down and bought another Ipod.. so I'm jammin at work now.

I found my old best friend on the county criminal search page. She has like 5 criminal charges and it's sad cause I'm supposed to be the God-mother of her daughter. I only saw the kid once.. sad ordeal.

J keeps sending me emails about missing me. Eh.. funny when I was around he wasn't on it.. now that I'm kicking it and moved on.. I'm not on it ninja!

C (another ex) is all depressed cause he graduated from Boston with his communications degree and can't find a job here. He sends me texts about wanting someone to hold.. uh.. I missed the memo that said I was providing a listening ear, shoulder to cry on and some ass.

One of my girl's got measured for a new bra and when the clerk told her she wore a size "G" her mouth dropped and she told her, "OMG.. getdafuckouttahere!" She told me on the phone and I laughed so hard I almost died twice.

I discriminate against dudes from different parts of the city. As soon as they tell me they are from St. Clair, South Euclid or East Cleveland.. I end the convo a.s.a.p and leave.

I love slogan shirts. My favorite is this one that says, "This sh*t is bananas.. b-a-n-a-n-a-s!"

Random crap but this is what it is.

I guess I'm back ..

2007-01-17T12:25:00.000-05:00

What's going on bloggers?

I guess the least I can do is shortly summarize everything that's been going on with me. Let's see, I had surgery on the 6th of December in which they removed a 5 inch fibroid from my uterus. I was recovering for a month and even when I went to see the doctor for a follow-up visit.. I was tempted to bribe him to let me stay off of work another month but after mentally going over what I had in my account.. I came to the conclusion that he wouldn't want the chump change. So after pleading, whining and turning on the *angry black girl attitude* he signed the FMLA return to work paperwork and sent me on my way. I was staying with my grandparents for a month and although I love them.. they wouldn't let me do anything. Couldn't leave the house, couldn't walk anywhere by myself... I felt like the girl in the bubble.

I shoulda went out before I had surgery but didn't.. so now that's all I been doing. Yeah.. I'm not 100% better.. I'm more like 90% but that's not stopping me from doin the damn thing. I seen Stomp the Yard on opening night.. and I must say.. the movie was great not to mention all the half naked men running around helped boost the vote for me. Dude coulda got it twice on that damn lawnmower he was pushing. I saw that Cedric movie.. it was free so I guess I can't complain but that damn movie was awful.. I laughed harder on the movie previews.

I noticed alot of people are leaving blogger.. with my nonexistent blogging ass.. I guess I can't really go anywhere.. I haven't hit 50 posts yet. lol I didn't make a New Years Resolution, I never do.. I just plan to make 2007 better then the next.. and I must say so myself.. it's starting off real lovely.

I got rid of a bunch of dudes I was messing with off and on, I started working out (again), hitting up the poetry venue every Sunday night, and trying to stay busy. I have a trip to San Diego lined up for May and my birthday is next month (Feb. 18) and my best friend is throwing me a party. Yes, yes ya girl will be 25 years old.

Now that I look back on this entry.. it's not exactly short but who cares. Take it easy ya'll.

-Isis

2006-12-09T11:57:00.000-05:00

I've been MIA for a minute cause a sista has been rocking the ass-out dress smocks in the hospital and fussing at the doctors cause the oxygen tube is messing up my hair. lol I'm only on to check emails and cop Nas' leaked album. Being cooped up in my granny's house has been a different situation. I like my own space... but I'm getting accustomed to being taken care of and brought things left and right.

I got bombarded with all this shit floating around in the blogger hemisphere.. and all I really have to say is I don't know. What I DO know is that karma is a mothafucka and that bitch hits hard so if there is any truth to any of this fuckery..

may God have pity on your soul.

I got a few stories to tell about the hospital and the old man that kept telling the nurse to "reach into his pocket" lmao. ya'll take it easy.

-Isis

tears of happiness

2006-11-27T18:12:00.000-05:00

I have been going over and over in my mind about if it was necessary to write anything regarding what everyone already knows to be. Then I thought about it and realized that this is my blog.. and to do with as I please.

I have been SO busy with the few days I have had off that I haven't had a chance to hit up select people. Charge it to my head and not my heart. Me being me, I kept putting off contacting everyone because I was cooking, baking, trying to rest, nursing a sick child and so much more. Monday morning, I had planned on hitting up Trizz to tell her about the madness of Thanksgiving. Monday morning while sitting in my chair,and drinking my coffee I had planned on doing what I normally did and see how she was doing. Monday morning, I had planned on laughing and joking like I normally did but Monday morning came and went and I didn't get a chance to say and do any of the insignificant things I wanted so badly to do and say.

I saw my homegirl's name pop up in my phone on Sunday and I was getting ready to get the "real and not the go-to answer" of how she was doing.. but instead was greeted with a message from her sister, Dorothy. I received the message at 1:31 p.m. and didn't respond until 7:39 p.m., it took that long to register. In my mind, It wasn't supposed to play out like that. I kept telling her that Dr. Thomas was wrong.. and she was going to be here for many Christmas'. Regardless of how she was doing, she always asked about my health and if I had spoken with my doctor. That was my girl.. and had we been in the same state I'm positive we would have been tight. We talked about damn near everything and laughed at things that were on a hush-hush basis. Those things I'll take to my grave because she knew I wouldn't tell a soul. For a brief moment, I admit I was being selfish. I wished for her to stay on this earth and continue to be the wonderful mother that she was. I prayed that should would be able to see her daughter graduate school, find love and get married. I prayed that she would be like the people on television, where they prove all of the doctor's wrong and look death in the eye and keep living.

The Most High had other plans though and I realized that everybody is placed in your life for a reason. I accept that. I learned alot from Trizz, and that is to always be optimistic about life. We choose our own happiness. That is what I am taking from our friendship. So the tears I shed while typing this aren't because I am sad, but because I am happy that she is indeed somewhere I strive to be.

Trish, I'll see you when I get there chica!

-Tasha

4teen 4's

2006-11-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for alot of things in my life, in which I continue to give thanks.

for my brother (my baby), he see's me as his role model and everyday I strive to be just that.. his she-ro.

for my health, every day I turn on the News and continue to give thanks because as with every situation.. it could always be worse.

for my past.. i regret nothing but instead use every situation as a learning tool to assemble my life in which He wants me to live it

for my future.. for only He knows what tomorrow holds

for love .. it has taught me to never withhold my true feelings.

for loss of love.. it has taught me that just because I have grown and matured, it doesn't necessarily mean that everyone else has kept up.

for my T-mo.bile unlimited text messages because without them.. I would have a notoriously large phone bill.

for family and newfound family members.. they never cease to amaze me.

for my job.. yes it can be strenuous but it's more then what some people have and for that I am thankful.

for my Office husband .. he makes coffee for me every morning.

for his wife .. who doesn't seem to mind that he's my office husband .. she buys me Star.bucks sometimes.

for my many assortment of Tim.bs .. and the ability to keep them to myself when my coworkers ask me something stupid

for the Cleveland weather (so far) .. because I have yet to buy snow tires and I don't really want to.

for all of the bloggers .. that actually take the time out to read and comment on my rantings and miscellaneous posts that don't quite follow the "blogger protocol" like others .. but it's just me.

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving

-Isis

Not really a post but..

2006-11-13T12:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah.. this really isn't a post but I have to say...

This new Jay is fire. I have been boppin' to it all morning since my brother sent me the link. Yes, ya girl didn't BUY it.. but when it comes out I have to give Young H.O. his due. I love Jay, not clearly as much as Nas but please believe when Nas' album leaks then ya girl will have that too.

Ok.. I think I'm ok now. I have been madd occupied. I have a new um.. "interest" and he's a youngin'. lmao yup.. I'm ONLY 24 but he's 21 and oh my.. that's all I can say on that.

Let me get back to work.. I've been randomly shoutin.. "Jigga" and the white people probably think I'm exhibiting signs of touretts.

-Isis

breath of fresh air

2006-11-09T14:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I know I'm about to be vague as all hell.. and normally it's not my style but I'm still coming to terms with this.

Have you ever had something so crucial, something so important to tell someone.. but you kept it all to yourself for fear that you would lose yourself? Lose yourself in something that just may be your ultimate moira. It's something that just needed to be said, spoken to a particular person.. and everytime, every minute of every day that you kept it caged in.. you felt like you couldn't breathe. With each gasp you felt as though you were dying inside because you had to relieve yourself of the feeling.

Then one day.. you realized that life is too short.. and if you never say it.. never claim it, then you just may never get a chance to. You finally opened your mouth and said what was needed.. and you breathed. It doesn't really matter how the person receives it.. how they accept what you said because even if they don't like it.. you did what was necessary.. you took your leap of faith..
and breathed.

-Isis

Things I remember ..

2006-11-03T14:02:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I look at my 9 year old brother and instead of going outside, he'd rather be in the house watching Nickolodeon/Disney, playing Playstation or playing games on the computer.

**I remember when my grandma would stand on the porch in her duster when the street lights were on and scream my name over and over again.

**I remember I was never around, somewhere on my bike around the block and soon as I hit the street someone would say, " your grandma was calling you."

**I remember when I used to be taller then all of the boys on the street.

**I remember when I had a white and yellow banana seat bike with the streamers in the handlebars.

**I would always ride that one friend that didn't have a bike.

**I remember when (real) scooters were popular, and not them damn skinny ones that came out a few years ago.

**I remember when I got my first mountain bike and we would be like 7 deep riding around the city.

**I remember asking my granddaddy for a dollar then going to the corner store and getting a quarter juice, a bag of chips, 20 pieces of penny candy, 2 packs of johnny apple seeds, 2 packs of cherry clans and 2 packs of lemon heads.

**I remember finding 10 cents then going BACK to the corner store to get a koolaid pack, then going in the house and mixing it with sugar in a sandwich baggie and having all my friends put they hand out for some.

**I remember all of my friends having one red hand cause the koolaid stained it.

**I remember hot pickles.

**I remember playing 4 squares, freeze tag, TV tag, hand slaps, dodge ball, and of course someone's porch was safe.

**I remember when we played freeze tag, that one punk used to always shout out.. TIMEOUT! when they was about to get caught.

**I remember standing on the sidewalk and practicing steps.

**I still remember all of the hand clap songs. ex: "Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack.. all dressed in Black, Black, Black...."

**I remember cassette players and buying singles.

**I remember writing down the lyrics to my favorite songs then singing them in the mirror.

**I remember being in the church choir and regardless if I messed up a song or not, all of the old ladies would smile and say, " Bless her hawt!"

**I remember having indoor recesses at school and getting to play "Heads up, 7-up"

**I remember having 3 empty 5-gallon ice cream buckets filled with barretts and bow's of every color.

**I remember coming in the house after playing outside, taking my bath and coming down the stairs in my pajamas with the feet in them.

**I remember growing out of them damn pajamas and my granddaddy would cut the feet off and I still had to wear them.

**I remember Cosby nights, we would all sit around in the living room and watch the Cosby show and see if they changed the beginning theme again.

I look at my brother and the kids now-a-days and wonder what's wrong with them..

damn.. I miss being a kid!

-Isis

Hiatus?

2006-10-31T18:18:00.000-05:00

I really didn't know that I was going to be taking an unexpected blogging hiatus but when that thing called life calls, it needs to be addressed. So playing catch up, alot of things have been going on.

The Ex, I guess we can call him Cee, he is back from Boston and here to stay. We didn't break up on some ol' "I hate yo ass so much right now" thing but we did break-up. I'm still cool with his mom, as a matter of fact, she is the coolest person I know. He wanted to see me and me being me, I was not about to get all dressed up for him. I had on the normal fitted jeans but with a big ass heather grey hoody and my college Adi.das flipflops. He came through and gave me a hug, I was already in the process of cooking so while I was doing that he thumbed through my DVD collection and put on the Seat Fille.r with Duan.e Martin and Kelly Row.land. Cute movie by the way. So we catch up on what's going on and of course my mindseye is going over every aspect of his body that I indeed loved. The deep chocolate skintone, (Taye Diggs complexion) and of course with that dark skin comes the whitest teeth that I have ever seen. A football players build cause of course that's what he played all his life and I somehow attract them, 6'1 height that dwarfs all of the 5'1 I possess. The close tapered hair with the goatee that somehow is crafted and molded onto his face. Mmm Hmm, not to mention he is still the touchy feely guy that I remember so ever so often he is rubbing my thigh, laying his head on my lap, rubbing my feet, etc. etc. etc. Of course a sista had to work early in the AM so I cut the visit short and he goes about his way.

Later that week Cee comes through again and we chill as usual, then I got to thinking about everything I remembered about this dude. My curiosity gets the best of me and yeah.. ya girl ended up waking up the next morning with a sore stomach and 3 condom wrappers on the dresser. LOL but man, I had fun. The last time we had sex, it was 3 years ago so you know I've learned a trick or 5 and got to show him things he couldn't even fathom. I'm mad cause I'm typing this and laughing my ass off. So he's still in Clevel.and and trying to get his self together from leaving Bost.on and periodically texting but there's no love like it used to be for him left in my heart. I was just curious, and after the *I lost count* times I got my stomach twisted, I'm good to go for now.

I have been working like Ceily in the field picking cotton and watching my back for Mister while taking these tests, research papers and quizzes for school. Ol' boy J is out of the picture, well as far as anything deep goes, I dubbed him "friend" in my mental rolodex and once dubbed friend, always dubbed friend. I am a cellphone packrat so I keep ALL numbers that I am given, true indeed the name that flashes when a dude calls might say "IGNORE DICKWAD" but nevertheless I keep the number. I've been getting called by some dude I don't even remember what he looked like. All I know is that I got his number when I went out to the bar one Saturday.

Dude: Hello? Can I speak to Tasha?
Me: This is she, who is this?
Dude: This is Rome
Me: Rome?
Dude: Yeah, Rome.
Me: Um, and I know you from where?
Rome: *stumbling over words* I danced with you at the Ga.teway, I think it was your girl's birthday
Me: Ohhhhh, that was a minute ago and why are you just now calling?
Rome: *laughs off guard* Yeah it was, I've been working alot and just now got around to it.
Me: Mmm Hmm.. well, Rome was it?
Rome: Yeah
Me: Since I don't even remember what you look like I am going to hang up,k?
Rome: Damn, it's like that?
Me: *laughs and stops* Yes, One. *clicks*

The bad thing is, I'll give my number out.. if I answer is the determining factor. I HATE talking on the phone but will text message all day like it's going out of style. I've been playing phone catch-up with several people and trying to get these doctor's visits out of the way. So all in all, ya girl is still here and briefly scanning blogs while I work but have slipped on the blog posting tip.

I stay amused at work with the everyday hysterical happenings of Hot Choklet, the never ceasing to amaze me with his creativity T. Cas, the dark chocolate Mack Attack and him bringing Swagger Back Rob Mack, LOL @ all of that. The spurts of mindgasmic gisms that leave me at a standstill from Jus B. Flii, and my soul sister from another realm Trizz, since she's no longer on Blogger I tend to send her text messages or random shoutouts via Yahoo Messenger..a host of others that I do read but these are ones I usually jump to first beforehand.

-Isis

The "First" Meme/Untitled

2006-10-13T09:14:00.000-04:00

1. Who was your first prom date? I was supposed to go to prom with my boyfriend Reggie. 2 months before prom we broke up and I decided I didn't want to go. A month later, I met Charles when I was at work. We talked and I explained to him that I had just got out of a year long relationship and didn't want to have another one at the time. He said that he would take me to prom.. we went and had fun.. after that we stayed together for about 2 years until I went away to college and was never around.

2. Who was your first roommate? This white girl named Katie. She was cool, he and her boyfriend went to Windsor Canada every damn weekend and when she wasn't out, she was sloppy drunk.

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? Since my mother was/is an alcoholic, I'm good at mixing drinks. go figure. So I was looking online and got a recipe for some kinda drink that had chocolate milk and parrot bay. Me and the squad gathered some money.. went and got the stuff and started drinking mixed drinks along with smirnoffs. That shit was gross but I drank it. After that I remember wobbling to my dorm and not being able to get up on the loft, so I slept on the floor.

4. What was your first job? I worked at this ritsy restaurant called the Terrace Club in Jacob's Field. It was like a $500 membership for a year for the club members.

5. What was your first car? lol a 1992 Nissan Sentra. I bought that car before I had my driver's license because I knew it would only take me 1 try. Even though I couldn't drive it yet, I would go out and wash it. Be sitting in it just looking. lol

6. When did you go to your first funeral? Um, my first funeral that I really remember was when my grandma bee passed away on my father's side. We was in West Virginia and I remember seeing her laying in the coffin in a blue dress and asking my mom why she looked so mean.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? My hometown is Fort Ord, California. I moved from there to Cleveland, Ohio when I was a kid. I can't remember the exact year.

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Funny thing is, I can't remember. I remember my kindergarden teacher Ms. Perry Evans and I remember my 2nd grade teacher Ms. Geter. First grade I had a crush on this lightskinned boy with pretty hair named Ishmel. He showed me his penis under the desk and I said "ew."

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? First plane ride was from Cali to Cleveland.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I can't remember. If anything it was probably to go chill with my girl Cat or if her brother Michael came to my door.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? My first best friend was named Carshae. We were friends in 4th grade and then I transferred to Catholic School. Carshae and her family moved to California I heard.

12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? I was in college when I moved out of my grandparents home. I moved to Toledo, Ohio.

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? My best friend L, or J.

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? I never got to fulfill that obligation.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Turn the clock off and jump out of the bed. Click the lamp and walk to the bathroom.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? My aunt's friend won Janet Jackson tickets over the radio so we all went to see her. MC Lyte opened for her. I was SO excited, I loved Janet.

17. First tattoo or piercing? First tat was when me and my girl Mia went to the tattoo parlor on our 18th birthday. Since my birthday is the 18th and her's is the 25th of February, her mother and sister took us on her birthday. I got a tigger bouncing on my shoulder blade. My first piercing was of course the initial ear piercing I got when I was a baby. After that I got my upper ears pierced, my navel and a tattoo of a artistic sun with a ying yang symbol on my pelvic bone. Some more are to follow after that, I want one on my lower back next.

18. First celebrity crush? lol Hakim Abdulsamad from The Boys. I remember jamming to the cassette my mom got me for my birthday. yeah, yeah corny I know. Little Known Fact - Did you know The Boys moved to Gambia, Africa and changed their names to the Suns of Light. The started putting out world, techno and african music and release it only on the internet? Some shit huh? http://www.sunsoflight.com/

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled
when people see me walking down the street
they mutter to themselves..

"she's too much .. I can't talk to her"
"she think's she's all of that"
"hmph.. look at her"

but just like a book .. located high on a shelf
if you never dare to open the cover
to curl up in a corner .. draw your feet up on the couch
and carress the delicate pages that are held within .. the hard exterior

one will never truly get to experience just how exquisite
.. profound
.. ethereal
.. surreal
just how good it really can be ..
unless. ..

you take the time
to reach high up
and select the book that you once figured was out of your grasp
and actually realized
it was exactly what you were looking for.

-Isis

-ology Meme

2006-10-11T09:25:00.000-04:00

I stole this Meme from Trizz awhile ago and said I would use it for a rainy day, just so happens it's literally raining today.

Grub-ology:

* What is your salad dressing of choice? Raspberry Viniagrete

* What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's

* What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Benihana's

* On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? Honestly? 15-25% depending on the service

* What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Chicken

* Name three foods you detest above all others. Lima Beans, Brussle Sprouts, and Liver

* What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Bourbon Chicken w/ fried rice and veggies

* What are your pizza topping(s) of choice? beef, green peppers, and onions

* What do you like to put on your toast? butter

* What is your favorite type of gum? Cinnamon

Tech-ology:

* Number of contacts in your cell phone? 112

* Number of contacts in your e-mail address book? Who has the time to count that?

* What is your wallpaper on your computer? I change it every month, this month it's Billie Holiday

* What is your screensaver on your computer? my little brother and nephew

* Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? I plead the 5th

* How many land line phones do you have in your house? one

* How many televisions are in your house? two; one isn't even plugged up.

* What kitchen appliance do you use the least? I use it all.

* What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? I don't listen to the radio

Bi-ology:

* What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? my lips.. or so I've been told

* Are you right handed or left handed? Right

* Do you like your smile? yup, I just don't smile for pictures but forever laughing.. go figure

* Have you ever had anything removed from your body? I stuck a pea in my nose when I was little.

* Would you like to? What? like to what? Stick a pea in my nose? No thanks dawg, I'll pass.

* Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Sure do. One time I was reading a magazine and stayed til' I was done. People thought I had left out of the house.

* Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Hearing.. I could hear a rat pissing on cotton.

* When was the last time you had a cavity? Never had a cavity.

* What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? my briefcase.

* Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope, and God willing I never will.

Misc-ology:

* If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope, I wouldn't be able to function if I did.

* If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? When I was little, I wanted to be named Kenya

* How do you express your artistic side? I write and draw. I'm an aquarius- we're natural artists.

* What color do you think you look best in? Any form of brown

* How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? C'mon now..
I can jump bad when necessary.

* Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? lol.. I'll just laugh that off and move on.

* If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Anyone that answers this question with a Yes, needs to re-evaluate some shit.

* How often do you go to church? Not as often as I should but more so lately.

* Have you ever saved someone's life? mentally or physically?

* Has someone ever saved yours? My grandma; and I'm sure she'd never know it but she saved my mind.

Dare-ology:

For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.

* Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? for $100,000 I'd do the chicken noodle soup dance naked *let it rain.. then clear it out*

* Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Why not?

* Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Depends on my role and if I'm drunk

* Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? I use to work at Home Depot and seen guys with 2 fingers. That shit ain't cute.

* Would you never blog again for $50,000? Sure.. I'm fairly new anyway.

* Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Depends on what magazine it is and how many people subscribe AND if it's available on the internet

* Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Sure.

* Would you, without fear or punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? Without punishment in the human life but what happens when I have to answer to God? Unless it's self-defense, I can't see it.

* Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? Ok, it has to be more then that.

* Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? I hardly watch it now as is.. besides Justice, House and football so I could pull that.

Dear Diary ..

2006-10-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

Last year, I got rushed to the emergency room because I was found in the fetal position on the bathroom floor. My lower abdomen had been killing me and the pain was unbearable. After being in ER overnight, I was told that they didn't know what was wrong with me. Undergoing CAT scans, EGKs, abdominal ultrasounds, rectal and vaginal exams, IV pumps and etc... they still didn't know. The pain was persistent, so I went to another ER with the same symptoms. With that they told me that I had a UTI and of course, with normal dosages of cranberry juice and some pills could easily cure that. It went away soon.

Well all last week I have had the same problems. Me being me, I worked through it until I got to Thursday. I called off Thursday to just rest. My abdomen was in constant pain, to the point where it hurted to just stand straight. Thursday night I didn't go to class, I couldn't get myself to budge.

Friday I called off of work as well. Around 9:00 a.m. I drove my car over to the hospital emergency room and waited. Around 10:00 a.m. they saw me, when they told me all of the procedures I would have.. I called my family and had them come out. In the meanwhile, all of the exams before, I received them again. Vaginal and rectal exams, CAT scans, ultrasounds, EGK, doses of morphine and 3 IV's later they finally discovered something. Everything came back clear except the CAT scan. It discovered that I have uterine fibroids. Basically a benign tumor that's located in the muscle of my uterus. Possible surgery and whatever else they decide that I may need. Among that I have a mass in my liver, possibly hemangioma. A few doctor appointments are to follow this week that could tell me the result of my liver mass. The appt. for my uterus is in another week, until then I have to put up with the pain and take a 600 mg dose of Motrin 4 times a day.

As for me, when I'm not sleeping I'm doing schoolwork and laying out taking it easy. Alot of personal information I just revealed, but guess what? That's why I started this damn blog.

-Isis

Truth or Dare.. answers

2006-10-04T19:44:00.000-04:00

Edit**
I want to include the rest of you in this game. Hit me up in the comments and say Truth or Dare. I will respond with a question or a dare and you can post yours either on your blog, or in my comments for my blogless readers. If you accept a truth or dare, then I will accept one from you, so keep checking back to see how I respond.Now, for some of you freaks out there, I gotta have some ground rules, so here are some suggested guidelines.

Let's not ask to see pics of each other (completely) naked. The idea is to get to know each other better, not embarrass each other.
~Ask interesting questions~
If you do a dare, it has to be something that can be easily shown by posting a pic online~
Let's not get crazy with the dares

So there is this vicious cycle of Truth or Dare coming around and being the "play it cool" person that I am, I decided to take Truth for both Trizz and Cas.

Trizz asked - "Tell us about your ideal man (include all necessities, dealbreakers, etc.)"

Through all of the relationships that I have been in, I have taken a thing or two from each person (be it jackass or not) and found something useful to either strive towards or eliminate all together. My ideal man has to bring something to the table, he has to be able to complement me. Where I am weak, he needs to be strong and vice versa. The ability to make me smile and laugh. He has to have a backbone because sometimes my sarcasm unintentionally cuts a little deep. I like a man that wears confidence like a well tailored suit, not to be confused with arrogance or conceit. Aggressive when he needs to be, but comfortable enough to let me run the show sometimes. Trustworthy, caring, charming, believes in chivalry and monogamy. Someone who treats me like a Queen and thoroughly realizes that without a doubt, I have his back.. it's only right if he is my King.

lol Cas mentioned something in a past post about a person's type. My type was -

athletic (football players)
tall (5"11-6"2)
short tapered hair
facial hair
lean build, or muscular
No particular complection (I've dated them all from white to night)

I have varied alot and have grown to look for things alittle deeper. Even though he still needs to be taller then me.. c'mon now.. I'm 5'1. The question was cut somewhat short, cause I could go on and on but I'll dwell on the more important things. Lemme see a dealbreaker... his voice.. I LOVE a deep, masculine voice.

Cas asked - "What was the stupidest thing you have ever done for love? "

lol I'm not sure if this qualifies for "in the name of love" but I was in the 11th grade and I wanted to go to the Class of 99's (I was the c/o 00') Grad Night. Yanno, Grad Night was when that class went to the theme park and it was open til' like 2 a.m. with other high schoolers but closed to the general public. Of course the guy I was feeling at the time went to an entirely different HS, and lived around the corner from my grandparents but it was something to get him alone, by himself with no adults. So I came up with a scheme. My grandparents were strict, so I convinced them that my best friend L was going and her mom was going to pick us up from the high school at 2:30 a.m. My best friend went but told her mom that my grandfather was going to pick us up. So we rode the bus to the amusement park, I'm all geeked cause I got to sit with Twin (my crush). We're walking and riding all of the rollercoasters, holding hands and giggling over all of the loser couples that wore matching outfits. lol Don't ask me where L was at this time, the only thing that really mattered was the fact that I was hugged up with one of the finest dudes. So we're getting ready to leave the amusement park and I hear a female's voice yell across the park. I'm looking at her march over towards the both of us and Twin kinda let my hand slip down to my side. She's going off about how they came together but he vanished, she had been paging him 911 left and right and couldn't get a call back. My mouth fell and of course I had to save face, so I pretended I was getting a "page" and it was my man. He looked at me sideways, I walked away all smug but my little heart was hurting SO bad. I finally got L and we got back on the HS bus. Well, since we both had told stories contridicting themselves, we didn't have a ride and we were stranded in downtown Cleveland at 3:00 a.m. with some damned stuffed animals while a bum in a trenchcoat was cooing like a pigeon and running in circles around us. We finally got some quarters and called her mom to come pick us up, while telling her that my grandfather forgot.

There you have it. *throws up hands* That's all I have man.. that's all I have!

Tenacious dared me to post a picture of J... that one dude and since I skimmed it and laughed out loud. I don't back down from dares since I'm a G.. so here ya go:

2006-10-04T10:18:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going to have to start blogging at night. They actually expect me to work during the day.. pshhh.

Even though I have a few things in draft form, i'll hit you all up later.

and lol@ this ..

the Perfect Storm

2006-09-28T13:53:00.001-04:00

I was laying in my bed and decided to type this up on my Word program on my cellphone. I told Trizz I would write a "gratitude list" but felt compelled to post this instead.

Last night tears poured down
water filled with emotion and conviction
of past mistakes
Outbursts and uncontrolled sobbing
of pain and sorrow
Some shielding themselves as to not take part in..
others simply watched in anticipation

I on the other hand watched intently and fed my soul
let my mind become alleviated as all burdens were cast away
with a deep, relieving sigh
I listened ..
while my Father spoke ..
I laid in bed ..
and listened ..
as He made sure all of his creations ..
Big or Small were nourished

The storm is over now
and I am alright.

-Isis

Side note - you all are some wonderful people. I appreciate all comments left, and I receive all prayers sent. Thanks.

Wonderwoman/Diana Prince

2006-09-26T09:00:00.000-04:00

So many things are going on about now.

Mentally I'm tired, emotionally spent, my body is weary and my soul is weak.

1. My mother is a bonified alcoholic. The doctor's told her she's teetering towards a stroke and she needed to put the bottle down. Her reply was hell naw.

2. My brother is 9 and in the 4th grade. School has basically just started and he's had 2 detentions and has been suspended once. My mother's reply? "shrug"

3. I've been working every Saturday except the 23rd. I'll start again this Saturday because my desk is clouded with closing projects.

4. When I speak with my grandmother about my mother, I see the pain in her eyes. After all,she is her daughter. I hear the pain in her voice but her words are of a strong woman. "All I can do is pray, that's all we can do, I put it in His hands, all in His hands."

5. Do I hate her? No. Do I dislike her? Yes. I dislike all that my mother has become. I dislike all that she did to me. I dislike all of the thought she is putting in my brother's head. I dislike the mental strain she is putting on her parents, my grandparents. I dislike her.

6. My brother and I have different dead beat dads. His dad moreso then mine. My mother gave my brother his father's phone number. My brother calls and his wife answers. She says he will call back. My brother waits by the phone. He never calls back.

7. What do you say to a child, who cries to you that his daddy doesn't love him?

8. My answer? I smiled and told him he has enough love from me, his mommy, jha-jha (grandma) and granddaddy. Of course, I cracked a joke and pinched his cheek.. I told em besides.. who wouldn't love a face like this?

9. He was satisfied, for now. I went to the bathroom and cried.

10. I'm trying to be Wonderwoman. With my mother, I try to put on a facade that I don't care about her "not claiming me". Around my brother, I try to be his backbone, his mother, a friend, a role model, a sister.

Mentally I'm tired, emotionally spent, my body is weary and my soul is weak.

-Isis

2-hot-2-hold, 2-cold-2-fold. Friends-4-eva

2006-09-19T09:47:00.000-04:00

The year was 1993. My mom had just enrolled me in Catholic School after all of the past years being in Public School and being bussed to the Westside of Cleveland.

"Maaaaaaa!?", I yelled. "Why do I have to wear a uniform, everybody is gonna look the same and that's not good." "Girl, stop complaining. I'll be able to take you to and from school sometimes, and so will your grandfather. You won't have to ride the school bus anymore all the way to the other side of town, I thought you liked that?", Mom asked. "I do, but I won't be able to wear my BK's anymore, I gotta wear penny loafers and I gotta hang with nuns.. aren't they mean?", I whined. While holding in her laughter, Mom said," Girl you are too much, you'll like it plus I'm paying too much for you not to like it so go get dressed, I laid out your shirt and skirt on the bed."

While in the car, I looked out the window and saw all of the kids getting on buses. I thought about my best friend from the old school, my first boyfriend from last year and the fact that he wouldn't be able to bring me peanut M&M's everyday anymore. I thought about what Chris had told me about liking me. Damn, he was fine and mixed with pretty hair, I thought while shaking my head. Rubbing my eyes, I bent down and slanted my white socks to the side then pushed them down a little. Atleast I can have some kinda style, I thought.

"Boo?", Mom said.
"Huh?"
Rolls eyes," What did I tell you about answering me like that?"
"Yessss?"
"I want you to have a good day in school today, granddaddy's gonna pick you up later."
"Ok, ma."
"I love you."
"I love you too ma."

Just before I could get out the car. "Lemme see your face, you got toothpaste right there," Mom said while spitting on her thumb to wipe it off my face. "Ughhh maaaaa, stop!"

I jump out of the car and walked up to the building.

Hmph.. St. Benedicts, I swear a nun better not slap me on the knuckles or she's gonna regret it.

I walked to the back of the school and looked around. There were kids in single file lines and a teacher in front of each one with a sign that had their name. Shaking my head, this is gonna be some dumb shit, I muttered underneath my breath. Walking by I looked for the name Sister Marybeth. I stopped in front of a white lady with short, silverish hair. She was wearing a long gray skirt with white tights, a white ribbed shirt and a navy blue sweater. Hanging from her skirt pocket was some kind of beaded thing with a cross.(I would later found out, they were rosary beads) While smiling widely, she said to me," What's your name child?" I looked around and smirked at her, "My name's Isis." She glanced down a sheet of paper, checked it off then told me to get in line. I walked to the end of the line while looking down at my feet.

After about 15 minutes, we all followed our new teacher into the school and our new class. She showed us our coat hangers in the room and where to put our bookbags. Sister Marybeth introduced herself to the class and told us the things she enjoyed doing. I looked at all of the kids, with the exception of a few.. some were just not too kind on the eyes. After doing some Bellwork and a few other miscellaneous assignments. My stomach grumbled and the bell rang. It was now lunchtime.

I went inside of the coatroom and grabbed my yellow Peanuts lunchbox. We walked in a single file line outside and to another small building. I guess this is the lunch room but how the hell they have a lunchroom outside?, I wondered. I looked at all of the tables and you could tell the people that knew each other. Grades 4th grade to 8th were all in the cafeteria. Kids were laughing and talking with each other, throwing peas across the room. The boys were playing pencil breaks and when the lunchaids confiscated the pencils, they played spork breaks. The girl's were playing hand slaps and gossiping about who went with who. I walked around with my lunchbox to find a place to sit so I could eat, my stomach was playing some serious beats. I found a table with some rowdy girls and sat at the end. I didn't really care, I was quiet but hardly a pushover so I dared someone to jump bad.

I opened the baggy to pull out my ham and cheese sandwich when I heard some kids knocking stuff over. I turned around and seen this skinny lightskinned girl with red framed glasses in the middle of these 2 burly girls.

Burly girl #1: While pushing the lightskinned girl, "Bitch now what, you sat in my place."

Burly girl#2: Pushes the lightskinned girl the other way while laughing," ay you better stop before she hits you."

Burly girl #1: SIKE!!! She ain't gonna do nothing.. look, she bout to cry.

Lightskinned girl: I told ya'll I would move, I didn't know the seat was taken.

Burly girl #1: Stop fucking whining, I should beat ya ass just for the hell of it.

So I'm sitting there, biting my sandwich watching this "so called fight." I looked at the table where the lightskinned girl was sitting and they weren't doing nothing but watching also. I rolled my eyes and signed, I guess Imma get kicked out on my first day. I get up and walked over to the scene. I grabbed the lightskinned girl's hand and pulled her out the middle of the 2 big broads. By now she was flush red with tears down her face, starring at me.

Burly girl #1: Who the fuck are you? Do you know her?

Burly girl #2: Naw I don't know her.

Burly girl#2 looked at me and said, " ay wtf are you doing? You know you interrupting which means you can catch it too."

I twisted my lips to the side and said, "Not likely.. wtf you messin with the girl? Leave her alone, go eat ya lunch and quit fuckin wit people."

They laughed at me and started turning to the side to see who all was watching. All eyes were on us, the whole cafeteria got quiet and was seeing who was gonna get they ass beat. So I'm not one to back down and I knew I had to say something drastic so these beasts knew I had the upper hand and wasn't one to be fucked wit'. I then said," you know what, you don't know about me but keep talkin' smack and you'll find out.. ya'll 2 nappy headed bitches need to go finish ya'll lunches or matter of fact, ya'll need to push back from the table a little.. how old are ya'll anyway?.. ya'll 2 fuckin wide to be in the 5th grade." A few of the kids on the side started snickering and before I knew it, the whole room was yelling," oooohhhhh.. BASE!" The 2 winderbeasts threw they hand in the air and said, "forget you!" while they left the room and went to look for a teacher to tell.

I looked around and went to the table with the skinny lightskinned girl. Since the girl's had knocked her lunch on the floor, I gave her half of my ham sandwich and 1 of my hoho's. We started laughing about how ugly the girl's were and how they had about 50-11 scrunchies wrapped around a ity-bity ponytail. I found out her name was L and she was new to the school too. Eventually, I ended up with a rep of being a tough girl but L was and still remains to be my Ace.

I told this story because L's birthday is today. She officially turns 24 years old and we've been best friend's since 5th grade. She's held my hand through my mother's mental changes and the death of my big grandma, I've been by her side through her grandma's death and her first love. Whenever I thought I didn't have anyone to listen to me, I could always count on L. Through thick and thin she has always been my right hand.

Friends are hard to come by so I truly cherish the one's that I have.

Happy Birthday Girl!

-Isis

Voyage to India

2006-09-15T09:22:00.000-04:00

On life's path. Can I walk with you, talk with you?

I love the man that you have become, the man that I now cherish and adore.. a good man. I believe that God is real.. and He has placed you in my life for a reason. He had me prepare myself for you and when all was done.. He said to you," Talk to her.. she's the one I made for you."

Understand this.. that even if this is not meant to go on for eternity.. as long as I was given the opportunity to know you. You are my beautiful surprise. As long as He is living throughus.. I know that the only way that we can go up and beyond.. due to His joy and everlasting love.. and with that I know that we are headed in the right direction.

We need to get it together .. you are the one... MY one.

The truth is, is that amongst the large things I love .. all of the little things that you possess within have also caused a growth in me. A growth of love and admiration, confusion and curiosity that I'm not sure I want healed. Sexual healing? Mmm.. maybe but it's not just that. I want all of you.

When I was younger I seemed to have a mental blueprint of exactly how I wanted my life to be.. like a wonderful symphony. Every chord and note just right, in it's own place. All things changed once I laid eyes on you.. it turned everything I ever thought about into a complicated melody. A melody that I am content with.

Is this moving too fast for you? Am I telling you too much because I'm not sure if I have the ability to pause my heart and tell it to slow down. I shower you with nothing but gratitude for allowing me entrance into your heart, your soul and your life.

* all words in blue are titles of tracks on India Arie's album; Voyage to India.

Let me emphasize that I am by all means not a poet.. my words flow like a heavy current when I am dealing with something, or going through things. It can't be stopped and if tried it leaves my mind going in too many directions. With that being said.. I hope you have your raincoat.. because I am definitely going through some ish.

-Isis

in Like

2006-09-13T09:25:00.000-04:00

Last night
as the sun left traces of purple hues and
tranquility in the sky

I felt our souls fuse with the current of a thousand possibilites

endless
enhancing
intoxicating

intriguing me

this power...
....this
this ..
energy

I felt this morning
as the sun rose over greenery
and made it's presence known.

real random

2006-09-12T09:06:00.000-04:00

These are some of the things going on with me.. other then that I'm working like an Egyptian Slave. I'll post something Real soon enough, as for right now this will have to do.

Finally decided I'm going to apply for a part-time job.
so all together that'll be full-time job, part-time school and a part-time job..
I can do it.. Imma G
I've had my heart encased in teflon for so long...
but I think he's actually getting through to it.
and I'm liking the way it's feeling
I think I'm getting to him also though..
he actually let me drive his car that's on 22's...
why was I stuntin' so hard though down the street?
the Sociology class I'm taking is called... Dating, Marriage and Intimate Relationships..
it's a web class and I swear it's full of Shera-men-haters.
my ex's mother called me to tell me her son was moving back to Cleveland from Boston...
she says I was good for him.. she thinks we should get back together...
she's a day late and a dollar short... .
should have told him that when he got engaged 2 months after we broke up.. .
then found out ol' girl was cheating on him with her ex...
serves him right.. hmph.
but damn could he blow a back out.
I want to hit the lottery 1 good time.. for a minimum of $500,000
My uncle hit for $20,000 and a year later my aunt hit for $10,000
when will it be my turn got dammit?
Ever see someone so sexy.. you bit your lip at all of the possibilities?
I did.
on the hood of my car? too bad it was so many people outside.
i just might have done it.

invisible man

2006-09-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

Body like Arnold with a Denzel face..
Damn .. Pepa wasn't lyin she had good taste

I would probably say physique of Kodjoe or maybe Morris
Political views of Common but not above lounging watching Facts of Life reruns & humming the chorus

Hard day at work? your bag? Baby lemme get that...
Take your hand and squeeze it soft before you make it to the welcome mat

Naw.. my name ain't Sylvia but I can throw down with a stove
While you're on the sofa cheering about the yardage Frye drove

Street smarts and book smarts..
what a sexy combination
And when he enters the room..
his sheer presence demands deliberation

Doesn't have to utter a word
his eyes speak how much he loves me
and when they drop a little and linger over hotspots..
a meeting in my bedroom.. mm kitchen.. mm wall? that's a definite guarantee

Not afraid to show a little affection in a roomful of his boys, sands or fam..
kisses me on my neck and cracks a joke at them
..Naw my man don't give a damn

Confidence? He wears it well ..
like a Valentino suit jacket with the navy lapel
on Saturday he's adorned in Akademic jeans with a Indians New Era brim..
straight? naw.. tilted? yeah
Timb boots.. unlaced.. navy suede with the white trim

my imagination is on point.. like Stacy Adams.. remember those?

but until he comes forth .. I'll keep blogging

with enough time on my hands until he shows.

Long ass meme

2006-09-04T10:15:00.000-04:00

My family had a BBQ so of course I was over there. Not much drama, other then my 60 year old aunt having Yung Joc- It's going down as a ringtone on her cellphone. Um.. yeah.. I need to know where she got that from and what does she know about the motorcycle dance. My other 60 year old aunt got pissy drunk and spent about 5 minutes trying to pick up a spoon she dropped on the floor. After giggling at her.. I decided to help her out and pick it up for her. Lemme see.. my 24 year old cousin has a new girlfriend and upon getting interogated by the fam and not bringing her around.. he ran out the house. Other then typical shit.. nothing much went down. Seeing as how I'm off of work today.. I'll kick back and bum around until 6.

Here goes...

1) Full Name: Sheesh.. all of the anonymity is out of the window.. Natasha Irisha
2) Name Backwards: ahsirI ahsataN .. lmao yes I realize that my first name spells Satan.
3) Were you named after anyone? my father's name is Antoine and my mother was going to name me Antoinette.. then my Auntie was reading War and Peace and the character in the book's name was Natasha. So there ya have it. I don't know where the hell they got Irisha.
4) Does your name mean anything? Natasha is a Russian name branched off of the Latin name Natalia which means "Christmas Day". Again.. I don't know where the hell they got Irisha.
5) Nick Name(s): T, Tash, Tasha, Nat, Rish... etc.
6) Screen Name(s): mzz_koffeebrown on Yahoo.
7) Date Of Birth: February 18, 1982
8) Place of Birth: Fort Ord, California
9) Nationality: American
10) Current Location: Cleveland, OH
11) Sign: Aquarius but on the border of Pisces
12) Religion: Christian
13) Height: I am respectively 5'1
14) Skin color: Brownskinned
15) Shoe Size: 7 1/2 in women; 6 in boys
16) Hair colour: dark brown and black
17) Eye colour: brown
18) What do you look like? So I added one of my photos ..

19) Innie or Outie? Innie
20) Right, Lefty, or Ambidextrous? Righthanded
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other? Straight
22) Best friend(s): G-Mama, Lorean, Alicia
23) Best friend you trust the most: G-Mama
24) Best friends {your sex}: Lorean.. we've known each other since 5th grade.
25) Best friends of the opposite sex: I would have to say.. my play brother Black
26) Best Bud(s): I'm not repeating myself
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: Can't say that I do
28) Crush: A crush? I haven't had one of those in a while unless you count Nasir Bin Oludara Jones
29) Parent(s): My brother's mother is around here somewhere; my dad is in Fayetteville, NC
30) Worst Enemy: the devil is a liar.
31) Favourite on-line Guy(s): Black, Maurice and T. Cas
32) Favourite on-line Girl(s): hmm... Nikki, Tenacious, Trish, Laura (in no specific order)
33) Funniest friend: Sheena.. she keeps me laughing
34) Craziest friend: My cousin Nikki (not to be confused with the Blogger).. that heffa is a mental case.
35) Advice Friend: G-Mama
36) Loudest Friend: Nikki, she talks loud for no damn reason.
37) Person you cry with: I don't cry with specific people.. they just flow.

Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: a ~~half~~ sister that's 27
39) Any brothers: a brother that's 9
40) Any pets: No, but I want a yorkie.
41) A Disease: nope, thankfully not.
42) A Pager: lol I was queen of the pagers back in high school.
43) A Personal phone line: yup
44) A Cell phone: it's my life
45) A Lava lamp: no, but I wanted one in high school
46) A Pool or hot tub: nope
47) A Car: yup

Describe Your...
48) Personality: sarcastic as a mofo, nonchalant, driven, caring, sincere
49) Driving: a NY driver in Cleveland. get it?
50) Car or one you want: lol a tricked out Cavalier Coupe.. I want a Mitsubishi Eclipse,
51) Room: beige suede and polished oak bedrom set with silver footing
52) What’s missing? from my room? myself because I'm laid across the floor in the dining room on my laptop
53) School: I've taken so many breaks (not by choice) so I'm still there
54) Bed: A bed fit only for a Queen
55) Relationship with your parent(s): My father was hardly around but I speak to him more then my mother. enough said.
56) Believe in yourself: 96%
57) Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really
58) Consider yourself a good listener: Believe it or not.. I'm quiet as hell before I get to know people.. You learn alot when you just sit back and watch.
59) Sleep in PJs: sometimes.. more so boyshorts and a wife beater.
60) Get Along with your parents: I condone them.
61) Save your e-mail conversations: Work: all of the time ; Leisure: Sometimes if it's something important
62) Pray: yup
63) Believe in reincarnation: no
64) Like to make fun of people: lol yeah, but only if you're a hot ass mess.
65) Like to talk on the phone: not unless I have something to say.. or when I feel like caking on the phone late at night.
66) Like to eat: Depends on what it is and if I'm hungry
67) Like to drive: Only if I'm going on a road trip.
68) Get motion sickness: No
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: Broccoli with butter.. mmmm
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: No
71) Dream in colour: Yes.
72) Type with your fingers on home row: nope... imagine that. Graduated from HS with a concentration in Legal Secretary and can type 60+ wpm and doesn't utilize the homerow key.
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: No stuffed animal.. just one huge body pillow.

What Is…
74) Right next to you: my work briefcase to the left and my TP2.COM cd to the right.
75) On the walls of your room: Nothing at all
76) On your mouse pad: It's an internal mouse.. no mousepad.
77) Your dream car: the Eclipse.
78) Your dream date: No idea, as long as I am enjoying myself.
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: somewhere on a black sanded beach.
80) Your dream husband/wife: at this present time.. he is at home.
81) Your bedtime: I don't have one of those
82) Under your bed: Not a damn thing.. I'm washing clothes now.
83) The single most important question: Will she change?
84) Your bad time of the day: In the morning before my coffee.
85) Your worst fear(s): I don't want to think about that.
86) The weather you like: Mid 70's, sunny, with a breeze
87) The time? 11:00 a.m.
88) The date? September 4, 2006
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: lol it really wasn't a trick. I used to put my grandmother's styrofoam wig head's at the top of the stairs so that my brother (when he was 1) wouldn't climb up them. He was deathly afraid of them. Not to mention I drew on them and decorated their faces.
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: Um.. I like jelly on scrambled eggs.
91) Theme Song: "Movies" by Ashanti .. right now.
92) The hardest thing about growing up: shit.. having bills.
93) Your funniest experience: I was over my friend's house and a big ass possom had jetted across the street and headed towards me. I was on the front lawn like wdf is that. But when I saw the tail I ran away screaming.. I think I shimmied up the side of the porch.
94) Your scariest moment: lol when I was 18 and went on a date with Anthony. We fell asleep in his truck by the lake. When I woke up it was 4 a.m. I slapped him in the chest and told him he better drive me home before my granddaddy started getting out of the bed to stand on the porch with his rifle. I got home madd quick and was sneaking up the stairs in the dark to get in the bed.. my grandmother was at the top in her night gown like," Do you know what time it is?" All I remember saying is, "Huh?"
95) The silliest thing you've done: we had a pole dancing contest while we were drunk. All I know is I woke up shirtless and cold.
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? lol when I was younger I worked at Hom.e Dep.ot. I would walk back and forth down the same damn aisle. It worked a few times though.
97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): Shit.. me and some college friends were heading from Toledo. A rusty pickup truck with a confederate flag was in the window and started chasing us down the road. I swear we was scared out of our damn minds.
98) The best feeling in the world: love is one helluva drug.
99) The worst feeling in the world: to feel like you have no one in your corner.
100) 3 people you tag: I got tagged. So no, I will not have anyone else suffer. Do it if ya want though.

It's the first of the month.. I'm allowed to be random today.

2006-09-01T09:04:00.001-04:00

Out of all of the pain that you have caused me, the torment and the hurt.. if you ever needed anything wholeheartedly.. I would give it to you or help you to get it.
He's not my child.. but I would give my life for him. Just like a child he senses when I am hurting. When he comes to me, kisses and hugs me and tells me he doesn't want me to cry. I actually feel better... he's my baby.
I wish you knew your worth. You are a 26 year old man, home owner, good job, does right by his son, loves his mother, intelligent- combination of street and book smarts, humorous and sexy. You've let past relationships blurr your vision.. please take my glasses and look closely at what I see.
You're extremely intelligent but have no sense. You can not sleep with men to guarantee shit. Now you are paying the cost. Look at the context clues girl.. he still hasn't been to the clinic, he tells you he's too scared to find out the results but yet he's still sleeping with you.. without a condom. HE is the one that gave you that disease. I'm scared for you... extremely scared.
I am so proud of you and I love you so much. You've grown into a bright woman. You have a wonderful son and a fiance' that loves you to death. I know our father isn't worth a pot to piss in.. but please.. don't let him make you feel guilty and for God's sake... stop giving him money. He is a grown ass man. We are his children, not the other way around.
You are my inspiration. You are my best friend before I knew what best friend actually meant. You have been a mother to me when your own child wouldn't take on the task. You are divine wisdom and I pray that God let's you stay here. I need you and I don't know what I would do without you.
You are a wonderful man. Silent and strong. No, you don't say "I love you" and no, you don't hug and kiss but I feel so much love from you. You fuss at me when I don't change my oil on time. You inspected my first apartment for me. You drove me to school everyday of my childhood life. lol Shit.. you drove me to work almost until I was 21. I love you so much.. my brother needs you. Continue to be the positive male role model he needs.
mmk, you are 24 years old now. Why do you treat your mother the way that you do? Grow the hell up. How can you disrespect her and you still live with her? She needs to kick your triflin ass out. You're family and I love you.. but I would beat the black off of you if you were my child.
You chose drugs over family. Can't you see how much your family loves you. Please come back.
You are so lucky I can't fight you at work. You are a vindictive, spiteful, trifling woman. You make my job much harder then what it should be. But I bet ya 1 thing... you better not find me in the streets or that ass is mine.
You're cool and everything but I hate your type of man. Too bad too cause you're extremly sexy.. football build with the tight abs BUT you talk too much on your sex game. There is a reason I've known you since 2nd grade and have never had sex with you.. get the picture?

Tenacious asked me 3 questions so I will proceed to answer them.

where do u see urself in 5 years? In 5 years I will be 29. I plan on being with my Master's degree. Possibly working in the Federal Department of my current job. Dwelling in Richmond, Virginia or D.C.. Engaged or married.

whats the craziest thing you have ever done? I swept the broom over my grandma's foot when I was younger.. and if you know southern grandma's.. you know I almost got killed.

favorite color and why? My favorite color is blue.. most people think of sadness. I think of tranquility. The beach in the Bahamas.. blue water as far as the eye can see.. filled with another world. If that's not peaceful.. I don't know what is.

Everyone have a safe, yet fun-filled Labor Day. Since I am being nice today.. damn that's rare. He's some CDs ya might wanna burn.

Beyonce - B- Day

Kelis- Kelis was Here

Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/ LoveSounds

Yung Joc- New Joc City

- Isis

Alittle bit of this.. alittle bit of that.

2006-08-29T11:35:00.001-04:00

I don't even know what to title this thing. It's going to be a load of me rambling about whatever I can think of while I'm working on Masta's field *looks around*. I have been given the greenlight to write.. so here I am.. thanks Tenacious! lol

Ok.. so Saturday I was going to see my brother at his baseball banquet. He had his little uniform on to receive this first ever trophy's.. mind you.. these little things look like alluminum foil stapled to blocks of marble.. but he loves them all the same. *shrugs* My aunt of course thinks that just because she volunteered to help.. I am also. Since it was potluck themed.. everyone (almost) brought a dish to share. My grandma baked about 3 sour cream pound cakes and what did I bake/cook you ask? Not a damn thing. I wasn't in the mood but I did drop a good 2 dollars on some foam bowls courtesy of Family Dollar.

So I'm looking extra cute.. with my burnt sienna and beige sandals, my tweed tan gaucho's and my sienna "Define Boyfriend?" shirt. Gotta love it. So she asks me to help cut up and distribute the dessert. Ok.. Ok.. I help. So I get some of those cheap plastic gloves and commence to mean mugging and slapping peach cobbler into bowls. Another baseball mom was there with me.. she's madd cool, she's dressed cute also so we're laughing it up like 2 childhood friends. We get the random shouts from the father's talking about, "Damn, got ya'll 2 sweet things serving desert!." We laughed and kept it moving.. NEXT.

*Flashback* They are holding this function in the same place I went to Catho.lic Elemen.tary Sc.hool at. I'm remembering being 14 and having the lunch aids slap something that looked like peas and smelled like mystery meat onto my foam sectioned plate while they threw a 2% carton of milk, a spork set and hollared, "NEXT!!!"

lmao why did I feel like the lunch aide.. minus the hair net.. cause um.. a sista wasn't going out like that. I was looking too cute and it was not possible to have a hair net on and still giving the "look" to the random guys that showed up to support their family.

So I'm slinging sheet cake, pie's, peach cobbler and I'm laughing because I simply HATE peach cobbler. I am not a fan so it smelled like death warmed over. I instantly remember that um.. I didn't get my plate and the good food will be gone so I do a mad dash over to the table with a take-out box to fill my plate and I notice something. It looks like mashed potatoes with chives but somethin ain't quite right. I tap my aunt like, " What's that?" She tells me some lady made a big pan of rice and chives.. the rice is too cooked and it just sat in a thick mass fo white. She laughed while telling me that everyone was wanting mashed potatoes but when they discovered it was rice, everyone passed. I quickly took the sheet of rice and sat it in the kitchen, under a towel.

So as I come back and proceed to fix my carryout boxes, I notice some strange lady has taken my place as the "dessert passer outer". I shrug it off like oh well but when I go in the kitchen.. F (the cool baseball mom) is looking at me like Help. I laugh and notice that the lady is the one that brought the big sheet cake but now she finds the need to slice it and distribute it. Mind you.. I was in the process of doing that so she took over. If you all would have seen how she was slicing the damn cake.. I was in awe. We didn't have a knife, we had a plastic spatula so of course you know the cake is going to stick to the spatula. So I was cutting it out in a square and then with the other gloved hand, taking it off the spatula and sitting it on the little plates. That was the cake maintains it's appearance. THIS LADY.. was scooping it out with the spatula.. flipping it upside down so that the frosting was upside down and smearing the cake unto the plate and handing it off.

I did take culinary arts classes so ya girl can throw down.. not to mention grandma made sure I didn't go outside to play unless I baked a cake, some cookies, or something. I was the only 12 year old girl on the block that could make a sweet potato pie by scratch. So I'm remembering from the classes that when it comes to cooking and baking, presentation is everything. Not to mention I am picky as hell and if you don't care how you throw the shit on the plate.. you also don't care that I won't eat it. I was very polite and said," Excuse me ma'am.. since I was doing this first and left for a second you mind if I take over and continue." She looked at me like I spit in the cake. I backed up because I did not wanna embarrass this lady while her kids are up their getting their rinky-dink trophy's. SO I backed off... and she felt my wrath when no one ate that damn cake. I ended up throwing the one's she cut away.

I'm finally fed up with the shit.. I go back to sit down and smash on some chicken and dirty rice. Man.. that dirty rice was so good. My aunt calls for me and says," Isis.. don't you wanna help me clean up?" GOT DAMN. Why do people especially family, drag you down also? So after my little tyrant.. I tell her," whatever." At the end I get up to help clean and I'm throwing whatever away. Shit.. a pot of beans? In the trash. A saucer of vegetables? Trash. A plate of biscuits? Trash. The "cake-slasher" decides she's going to help also. Cool I think. Negative. She goes in the back and why did this heffa store 2 additional cakes in the cooler so no one could get them and she could share it with her people. I was like WDF. She proceeded to sit her fat ass down eating strawberry pie while my aunt, myself and several other mom's was cleaning up.

Never again I tell you.

*side note* I will not go to Wal.mart and watch a lady actually whip her breasts out in the lay-a-way line. Homegirl actually whipped a breast out to try on her bra's she was paying on and when the girl at the counter said," Ma'am, you can't do that." She yelled at her and replied," LIKE YOU NEVER SEEN TIDDIES BEFORE!"

I was so outdone...

My life.. pt.1

2006-08-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

My parents were once married, not happily but married. They were both enlisted in the Unite.d S.tates Arm.y, to which the reason I was born in Fort Ord, California. I stayed for awhile, me and my mother while my father was off in Korea humping his latest conquest. Eventually, I got sent to my grandparents in Cleveland, Ohio while my mother was still in Cali tying up some paperwork so that she could come back. With my grandparents as my custodial guardians, they did everything birth parents did. From packing my lunches for school, to beating me down when I acted up. Even though I rarely acted up, I guess being the product of noncivilian parents.. I rarely did anything and was much to scared about what would happen if they found out. My father eventually got out of the military after only 5 years and he moved to Waynesboro, WV. My mom ended going from active duty, to Reserve, which is just like the commercial.. 1 weekend a month and a 2-week tour once a year. Life with a single mother had it's rough times and it's good times. I was highly spoiled, and never wanted for anything. I eventually went to Catholic School in 5th grade with no help from my father. My father had his own life, and later to be found out by me, another daughter. My mother worked for the government as well as the county. She worked long, hard hours and I was used to her working 3rd shift with me being transported to my grandparents house at the crack of dawn.

Before we were inseparable, I loved my mother so much. Where ever she went, I went.. people called me, her shadow. She bragged about how much I was involved in school, what honor roll certificate I brought home, my report cards.. you see.. I was a straight A student. Major work courses and reading was nothing to me. Actually, I rather enjoyed it. My mother got pregnant when I was 15 years old, birthing my baby brother, whom I love like my own. My mother was and still is battling with alcoholism. The normal ritual of my years of living with her and my brother consisted of:

* coming home from school and watching my brother, while my mother laid passed out in a pool of her own spit.
*changing the baby, giving him baths, feeding him, playing with him, caring for him while my mother was nursing a 40 ounce of beer and holding onto a 5th of jack daniels.
*cooking my own dinner, and getting the baby ready for his nap.
* my mother sobering up to go to work, leaving for her 3rd shift job.
* me being on night duty with the baby, waking up for feedings and changings
*my mother coming home around 6 a.m. while I woke up to get ready for school
*kissing the baby before I ran out of the house to catch the bus to school

Some ritual huh? In between my mother's alcoholism, she rarely paid me any attention. I got called random names of.. bitch, slut, ho, tramp, slut, stupid, dumb. I got picked on. My mother told me how much she hated me and was happy that she had another child. A child to replace me. I went to school.. glad to be away, away from the abuse. I went to school scared to tell anyone of how my mother was treating me. Mental, verbal, physical abuse.. the only one I could tell was my grandmother. You see, my grandmother is a religious woman.. and I would make her promise not to tell anytone. She never did. She listened, with words of comfort, words from her heart, words of love. Often giving me biblical passages to read.. but after awhile I got tired of praying and begging for help. I felt this was my punishment... I felt not loved by my father, my mother and worse of all.. God. For lack of a better phrase.. I lost my Faith.

I didn't want my grandmother telling my mother anything because she would hurt me if I told anyone. In between the drinking, she found comfort in different men. Different men that would come to the house and live with us. She had a thing for jamaican men.. and not just any jamaican man.. but the druglords. For some reason.. she loved them, not just the love she received from them but the wealth they brought with them. She would often buy their airline ticket to Jam.aica.. they would fly back with weight and she would chop, de-seed, and weigh it in the living room while she was holding a conversation with me. My mom ended up being a single mom that was in the military, worked for the county and a drugdealer. I was exposed to so much that alot I have forcefully blocked out of my mind.. things that a child should not go through whatsoever.

Teachers and counselors didn't know I had a mother. She never attended any meetings and never responded to letters. My grandparents bought all of my school things before I had my first job. My mother didn't see the need to buy me anything. I later got my first job as a hostess at age 16. I was a hostess at the Clevela.nd Indi.an's restaurant. A high-class membership restaurant, but it was my life. I was able to go to school then go to work and could be away from my mother for hours upon hours.

At 16, I finally went to my grandfather and begged him to help me move.. begged for him to get me out of her house. I was mentally drained, physically tired and had I tried to leave myself.. she would have probably beat me senseless. So my grandfather had me sneak my clothes and things into garbage bags, and he would move the bags to his house. This went on for months.. until I was 17. It was a March. My grandfather came over to speak with my mother.. and told her he knew how she was treating me. He said that he came to get me. My mother started screaming and saying I was lying.. I was nothing but a liar and a horrible child. My grandfather just looked at her and told her she needed help. He grabbed me by my hands and led me to the door. I looked back and finally saw my mother for what she was. She was a shell of a woman.. with tears in her eyes. She was hateful and dispicable.. but I still loved her. I looked back at her.. and when she fixed her lips to speak. I waited for what she had to say. I waited for her to hold her arms out and embrace me, tell me she was sorry for everything. Tell me she loved me so much.

I waited...

a conglomerate of mess

2006-08-17T10:10:00.000-04:00

Work has gone from a place I used to enjoy to a place that I could easily do without. I wonder if I could hit up the CE.O of my job and see if I could just not work and still maintain my salary? Ya think?! Naaaa.

Don't you hate when it gets really quiet in the office, you go to sit down in your leather chair and your clothing makes it sound like you just did a big nasty fart. It happened to me twice, I really didn't fart but damn.. it was the chair. No, farreal.

I took my grandmother to this grand opening of Wal.mart. We are walking down the bedsheets isle and on the endcap is a section with K.Y Jelly warming liquid. Why does my grandmother proceed to pick it up thinking it's lotion? She goes on to say that she could keep it in her purse for church. Ok, so as I'm doubled over laughing hysterically, I quickly kung-fu Hi-Ya the jelly out of her hands and it falls to the floor. I say," No ma, let me show you what you should get." Then we go to get some plain ol' Niv.ea lotion.

So either my grandma was disappointed that she didn't get a chance to get her groove back or the fact that she was wrenching* around to slap me on my butt cause I hi-ya'd her fingers. The shit was still pure comedy though.

If I could go back in time..
go through your past and personally curse each female that ever did you wrong..

baby.. if you only knew

I would if I could.. lift every burden you ever carried.. that somehow clouded your vision..
mentally..
physically..
emotionally..

If you only knew ..that all of the shit I've been through in my life .. has done nothing but fertilize my being..
so that when you stepped in.. I could give you every single piece of me unhesitatingly

However, the sick plan they conjured up is undoubtedly winning.
they've cut you too deep.... you're not letting me in

I would love for you to lay in my arms.. let me caress your intellect and gently glide my fingertips softly across your soul

While reclining further.. humming random verses from Rachelle Farrell
because NOTHING has ever felt like this
if you would only let me show you

show you how good it could feel

how good I could love you

damn..
if.only.you.knew

*wrenching 'round- LOL

I'm lazy.

2006-08-10T14:53:00.000-04:00

1. How old do you wish you were? Whatever age I didn't have damn bills.

2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?I was in college at UT; chillin in my dorm when I was flippin channels and see that shit. It scared the hell out of me, everyone was leaving campus to go home and me and my roommate was stuck in Toledo. We both cried then eyed the Wendy's employees cause they were all Arab.

3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick the hell out of until my peanut butter M&M's pop out or someone offers me my money back.

4. Do you consider yourself kind? Yes I am.. I just look evil *flutters eyelashes*

5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? I have two already- a tigger bouncing on my right shoulder blade and a artsy sun engulfed in flames with a ying yang symbol inside of it on my pelvis. I want a couple more.. like on my back right above what my mama gave me.

6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? I'd choose espanol.. I took a few years of it and have a few friends that are hispanic. Did I mention I used to date this crazy ass latino-jamaican mixed papi? He was crazy but damn.. he was fine.

7. Do you know your neighbors? Man plz.. the ones next to me have romper room every damn day.. I swear them little girls know every word of "Check on it" but can't spell their name.

8. What do you consider a vacation? Being out of damn Cleveland.

10. Would you move for the person you loved? I'm ready to move to VA.. his ass better follow cause once I get there (alone) it's a wrap.

11. Are you touchy feely? Only if you my man.. once you're mine then I go full throttle. HA!

12. Do you believe that opposites attract? Yeah... J is different from me.. he's too damn calm.

13. Dream job? be the Jay-Z of my own corp.

14. Favorite channels? I don't really watch TV like that.. until basketball and football is in.

15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? The park

16. Showers or bath? Showers.

17. Do you paint your nails? Only clear until they get professionally done.

18. Do you trust people easily? Yup..I read people very well and wait for them to eff up..

19. What are your phobias? Imma G.. Imma G

20. Do you want kids? Yup, I want some kids.

21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? I used to, but I had tendencies to not feel like writing in it. lol same as this.

22. Where would you rather be right now? Somewhere out of state.

23. What makes you feel warm and safe? laying on J and watching a movie.

24. Heavy or light sleep? I sleep like a ROCK.. once I'm out, don't ask me for nothing. I do wake up with consistant noise though.

25. Are you paranoid? only when I get lost and see a bunch of crackheads lookin at me like," What u got?"

26. Are you impatient? I perp. I try to be impatient but I am so NOT. Don't let me get on road rage.. I've gotten out the car and was ready to 2 piece a chick.

27. Who can you relate to? I'm too unique for that.

28. How do you feel about interracial couples? If you like it.. I love it.

29. Have you been burned by love? Who hasn't? But I applied aloe vera to the wound, now I'm good.

30. What's your life motto? Do what you do.

31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? I had Ghetto Story by Baby Cham. Now I have a new phone and have the default ringer.

32. What were you doing at midnight last night? I went to bed early so I was out for the count.

33. Who was your last text message from? J

34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine.

35. What color shirt are you wearing? mint green

36. Most recent movie you watched? at the movies - Superman; DVD - Menace II Society

37. Name five things you have on you at all times? my purse, debit card, cell phone, lip gloss, and gum

38. What color are your bed sheets? beige and red thin striped

39. How much cash do you have on you right now? In my purse I have approximately43 dollars and a shit load of change.

40. What is your favorite part of the chicken? Wings.

41. What is your favorite town/city? Manhattan

42. I can't wait till.. Friday night.. I'm setting a "romantic" mood.

43. Who got you to join Blogger? No one did.. but a few were nice so I decided to join on.

44. What did you have for dinner last night? Cheese pizza and lemon iced tea.

45. How tall are you barefoot? 5'1 + change.

46. Have you ever smoked crack? Yeah right.. crack heads are funny though.

47. Do you own a gun? I refuse to disclose such information.

48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee w/ non dairy creamer. I'm lactose intolerant.

49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? no secret weapon.. I'm just a charmer.

50. Do you have A.D.D? not at all.

51. What time did you wake up today? 6:30 a.m.

52. Current worry? worried that my best friend my be pregnant.

53. Current hate? the drama that's going on at my job.

54. Favorite place to be? my granny's house.

55. Where would you like to travel? London, and Africa

56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? no telling... hopefully married by then.. I would be 34 years old.. damn!

57. Last thing you ate? left over pizza for lunch.

58. What songs do you sing in the shower? I haven't sang in the shower in a minute cause my shower radio doesn't have any batteries.

59. Last person that made you laugh? J

60. Worst injury you ever had? I was in 9th grade, I was playing dodgeball and this kid named Shane slid into me. My glasses went up into my eyebrow and I started bleeding. I think I got like 10 stitches and I still have the scar. Shane.. u on my hit list.

61. Does someone have a crush on you? A crush? Naaaa

62. What is your favorite candy? reese's pieces, reese's cups, peanut butter M&M's

63. Favorite errogenous zone? Um.. has to be the right side of my neck. Man o Man.

Now & Then

2006-08-02T13:42:00.000-04:00

Now & Then:

Ten years ago today, it was August 2, 1996. I was 14 years old and enjoying the summer. Soon to be entering Trinity High School, which is a Catholic School, as a freshman. I was a little bit scared to be starting the "high school experience" but somewhat excited because my best friend "R" would be joining me. I was still the only child for now and enjoying the life of being spoiled by my mom and grandparents.

1) How old were you?

THEN: 14
NOW: 24

2) Where did you work?

THEN: for my mama as her "remote control channel changer, wash the car, do the dishes, wash the clothes, fetch me some water, mix my drink (my mom was/is a alcoholic)

NOW: At one of the largest roofing maintenance service providers in North America that offers a comprehensive inventory of roofing and general contracting services to building owners and facility managers.

3) Where did you live?

THEN: Cleveland, OH
NOW: Warrensville, OH

How was your hairstyle?

THEN: I had shoulder length hair and wore it in all kinda styles. French rolls, curls, bobbed, etc.

NOW: micro braids now but it's cut to the ends of my earlobes.

5) Did you wear contacts?

THEN: Nope, glasses.
NOW: Used to but stopped cause I kept sleeping in them. I'm getting them back though.

6) Did you wear glasses?

THEN: Yup.

NOW: Only at night when I drive, or at the computer.

7) What was your favorite TV Show?

THEN: Martin, Living Single, NY Undercover
NOW: Girlfriends

8) Which of your pets were still alive?

THEN: My mom hated ALL animals
NOW: My apt. don't allow pets but I want a puppy.

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?

THEN: Michael
NOW: I just have friend. *grins*

10) Who was your celebrity crush?

THEN: I wanted Mr. Dalvin and still had a thing for LDB of Immature. Oh yeah.. Garfield from Shai.
NOW: Um.. I am so in love with Nas.

11) How many piercings did you have?

THEN: I had 2 in my earlobes and 1 in the cartlidge.
NOW: 2 in the ears and 1 in my navel.

12) How many tattoos did you have?

THEN: None.. my mom would kill me.
NOW: I got my first one when I was 18.. no one saw it til I put my prom dress on. LMAO. My second one is on my pelvis below my navel. I'm getting a few more so bare with me.

13) What was your favorite band/singer?

THEN: Jodeci, Nas, Immature
NOW: Nas, Jay-Z, Cassidy (freestyles) Heather Headley, MJB

14) Had you smoked a cigarette?

THEN: No ciggs, my mother was a chain smoker so I hated the smell of Newports.
NOW: I smoked black n mild's and tried weed but later stopped cause it didn't preserve my sexy.

15) Had you gotten drunk?

THEN: Nope.. I was a good little girl.
NOW: I got drunk recently which involved me and my best friend twirling around a pole and trying to out dance each other. Me ending up on the couch passed out and waking up with no shirt on and a bad ass headache. *shrugs*

16) What kind of car did you drive?

THEN: I used to drive my mom's toyota camry.
NOW: my 2 door coupe cavalier.

17) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?

Nope, I thought I would be happily married with kids. The author of a few bestselling novels and a grammy for best twirl in a porn classic. No.. I'm just kidding about that happily married part. Lmao

.. err a swagger jacker production

2006-08-01T18:02:00.000-04:00

Two Names You Go By:
1. N------ my real name
2. Tee

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. cream tank top
2. beige gauchos

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. that kinda love that you read about in novels
2. laughter.. have to be able to laugh.

Two Things You Want Really Badly At This Moment:
1. J
2. some cold pineapple chunks

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. reading
2. listening to music

Two pets you have had:
1. Paradise - a mutt I had that barked and snapped at my mom whenever she yelled at me.
2. Duke - my german shepard that ate the crotch of my mom's panties out and chewed her pumps.

Two people who will fill this out:
1. whoever
2. and whomever

Two things you did last night:
1. sent crazy text messages.. I love texting.
2. watched Hell's Kitchen.. that mofo is crazy.

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Benihana's
2. Bahama Breeze

Two things you ate today:
1. Nachos Bellgrande from taco bell for lunch
2. A apple cinnamon muffin for breakfast

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. J while not working at work
2. my mama

***meme jackin rights are attributed to T.Cas

black folks, family reunions and fuckery

2006-08-01T17:24:00.000-04:00

I am going to stop being lazy.. regardless of it being as hot as satan's piss with syphlis. I normally did my blogging at work, but the white boy in the cubicle next to me either likes me or is trying to infiltrate my internet hopping.. so I decided to give it a break and only blog when I got home. By the time I cut the A/C on, threw on some lounging booty shorts and a wife beater, I was too "tired" to blog. NO MORE EXCUSES I TELL YOU!

So I had a family reunion this past weekend, nowhere special.. we stayed in Cleveland and I opted to take part of the entire "reunion experience" and stay in a hotel. I mean shit.. you can lounge all you want, don't have to wash dishes, and people watch. I'm all for it. Yes, I like to people watch.. I feel like them old ass ladies because I will just sit and watch everyone walk by.. watch the damn fuckery unfold as people get sloppy ass drunk and wanna sing blues songs by BeBe King and Muddy Waters in your ear... yeah they were old but the shit was hilarious. My packing skills are atrocious. I pack whatever is in my grasp.. so this time I prepared and only packed enough clothes for the 2 night stay, the formal banquet and some various clothes just in case. Hey.. you never know. Not to mention the matching accessories, a pimp hat because I knew I was going to have to lay the smack down on someone before the thing was over, and 6 pairs of shoes.

Half the cousin's I don't like.. half don't like me because I'm not pregnant, don't have kids, don't live in the projects, don't stay with a drunk aunt, did I mention don't have kids and managed to do this all while under 25. By the way.. I'm 24. Shit.. I commend myself and they should too... it's hard out there when dudes see you and the first thing out of their mouth is.. "So.. how many kids do you have?" The look on my face when I say.. "pshhhhhhhhh.. none." is priceless. Not only did the Embassy book our family reunion but 3 others. So we were couped up with a bunch of snot nosed ass kids, too big clothes wearin boys and short shorts wearin, itty-bitty ponytail wearin little girls runnin around playin "catch me if you can" with the elevators.

I had promised my brother he could go swimming so he and my little "play" cousin got in the pool and did what kids do. There were a group of 10 other kids ranging in all ages in the swimming pool also, no adults present for them. No life guard, not nothing. Not only that, but the sign on the door said that unless they were 18 or older, they needed a parent or guardian with them. Me, my aunt and friend were the only ones in there and I was only responsible for the two.. so I feel bad if some of the kids would have drowned. The most I can do is go get someone cause off top.. they bad asses shouldn't have been jumpin in the pool like scuba men and for 2. Isis don't swim. I gently glide..and I can wade... but swim? wdf.

Why did these bad ass kids start cannon balling in the pool.. I swear if the water would have jumped on me.. I would have been arrested for shoving my 3 inch sandal up a child's ass. Ok.. so I'm laying back on the lounge chair. I was in a daze and looked out into the pool.. I thought something was wrong with me but when I rubbed my eyes.. them bad ass kids had taken a turtle from the pond in the middle of the hotel and threw it in the swimming pool. The little turtle was trying its hardest to battle the waves of stinking kids and the chemicals of chlorine. Finally one of the kids got tired of tormenting the turtle and sat it in the hotel lobby. So now the little turtle was trying to get back to the pond.. and it was only moving so fast. lmao I finally went over to the the gay janitor and told him they turtle was in the lobby crawling on the carpet. Wait.. a gay janitor.. I swear he was a little Too happy with his keys swayin and jinglin'. Ya jinglin' baby.. go head baby.

The reunion was so unorganized no one knew where the picnic reservation was.. but it was about 45 minutes AWAY from the hotel and I got lost atleast 5 times. Finally got there and ate some soupy ass macaroni and cheese. I mean what the fuck? The macaroni and cheese even segregated itself cause the cheese was on one side.. the oil was on the other and the noodles had peaced themselves out. The shit was nasty. I ate a piece of BBQ'd beef and had some baked beans.. and called it a day. No way was I staying out on Hell's reservation for 8 hours so I left around 4 to go shower and watch movies in the hotel. So my fast ass cousin decides to call me that night to tell me about going to some club/bar. I didn't want to go with the cousin't she was suggesting cause if some shit pops off.. I'd be left by myself. I don't expect None of them to help me out with a situation and secondly.. I use to hang tough with my one cousin but she got stuck on stupid and dumb as fuck and I simply can't handle the shit. She's wild.. and when I say wild.. TOO damn wild. She's that one chick at the club or bar that all the girls are looking at like ugh wdf is she doing.. and all the guys are like.. damn i bet i can fuck. Then on top of that she gets pissy ass drunk so among giving lap dances to any dude around she will drop her skirt/pants/or whatever she is wearing at the moment and piss on the side of a building, side of a car, side of anything and not give 2 fucks about it. I can't hang around that type of shit. When I do decide to go out with her.. I'm too busy getting in arguments with dudes that think just cause we're related, I'm like her too.. or I'm trying to snuff dudes that try and steal the chocha and take her home. Umm.. sorry my dude but I rode with her so you can't steal the chocha this time.. but um.. maybe next time when I drive separately. Im just kiddin.. I think.

She got into a funky ass attitude when I told her I was good on that.. and sure enough my cousin C chilled with some older cousin's of ours. She acted a straight up ass and now they are going to tell the entire family about her trifling ass.. their words.. not mine. I'm sure they will add things that didn't happen but it serves her right for being around that type. The police wandered the hallways of the hotel both nights cause fights jumped off left and right. I did manage to get my line dance on at the banquet so shoot.. I was good. Other then the bullshit at hand. ..

I had an O.K. time.

Random Post

2006-07-19T10:01:00.000-04:00

yeah, I'm being lazy SO WHAT!

your mouth game is like wha?! I don't believe you.. you need more people!

i really hate when dudes stunt and act like their dick or mouth game is all that.. and when you get it.. you coulda done it better ya damn self.

damn baby.. i guess u wasnt lyin on ya mouth.

i know i started this Floetry CD from jump.. and its over and he's STILL down there.

your daddy is a millionaire, yet you have your wedding in a small ass church with no a/c and it's 95 degrees outside.

smh your Maid of Honor has backfat and its humped up over her dress.

Okkkk.. your uncle sings and it reminds me of Coming to America with the fat man singing... "she's your queennnnn tooo beeee"

I have a bad habit of getting a guy's number and not calling him. I promise Imma call these 2 dudes this week before I forget how they look.

I normally don't do big guys but he was kinda cute.

Hmm.. the cat I've been talking to for a few months has potential but I don't know quite yet.

I normally maintain a professional business manner at work but if this chick twists her neck at me one more time.. I'm hittin her with the Cavalier.

She better hope I don't catch her in the hood.

I have a family reunion this weekend and I can't STAND this side of my family.

I was on vacation 2 weeks ago and spent an entire week catching up on the blogs I visit frequently. I was SO behind on my favorite black gossip sites.

My ex is still mad at me over something that happened a month ago. If he thinks I give a fuck he don't know me very well huh?

um.. can celibacy and oral sex go in the same sentence?

My sexual frustration level is off the meter.. but um.. if I get it now I won't stop.. so let me chill.

a day of what the fucks

2006-07-05T09:54:00.000-04:00

fuck the 4th of july. yeah I said it. That crap blowed. ..

I decided I was going to take my brother to the normal spot.. the Garfield Hts. Metroparks Home Days. They have a fair for a few days and on the 4th they have a huge fireworks show. He can ride on them expensive ass rides.. and eat a mortgaged hotdog from the carnival rednecks and call it a day. It rained the day before so it was about 3 inches of piled on mud in the fairgrounds with hay thrown over it. Um.. why did I fuck up my sandals? Sorry.. I drifted for a minute.

So I paid for him to ride 4 rides.. why was that mothafucka 15 dollas? WDF was I thinkin? So he's in line on ride 1. I turn my head to get a phone call.. I turn around and what the fuck? Five little nappy headed future strippers cut in front of him in line. Now.. in my childhood.. I hardly said much unless triggered, but I'll be damned if you gonna jump in front of me. So I take my brother by the shoulder's and move him in front of the ho-brigade (SP?). I say," Ty... stay in line.. don't let anyone jump in front of you." So he rides the ride.. I sink a half of inch in the mud, I woo-hoo enough for him to see I'm watching him and we walk off when he's done. Ride 2.. I tell him to get in line. I think to myself.. self? huh? What the fuck is that smell? Why did I come to the conclusion that it was horse shit mixed in with the mud.. ok I am getting mad by the minute. He rides the ride.. I woo-hoo again and he gets off. Ride 3.. is a mothafucka. It goes upside down and side to side.. and for him that would be tough. I say," Ty.. this one you might have to wait til' next year." He looks at me with a whiney face and says," Whyyy???.. I can do it!." I smirk and say," you sure man.. cause this one goes upside down.. look at it." "No, I can do it _______." So I shrug and say," Okkk, if you say so." He gets on the ride.. gets strapped on by Willie Nelson and Huckleberry Finn. First it starts rocking.. I look at his face and say.. hmm.. I hope he doesn't hurl. Next it starts going higher.. hmm.. his face has the booboo-gas look. Next it starts going in circles, upside down. I look and this boy is gripping the bars and holding himself up. Ok.. me being the sister that I am.. I crack up laughing. I swear I wanted the ride to stop.. but it seemed like it went on forever. He gets off drunkenly.. and the girl that was sitting next to him rolls her eyes at him like.. pshhh punk!. I laugh over to him and hug him.. he tells me how scary it was and I say lovingly,"Man Up!"

Each ride was 3 tickets... and we only purchased 10 to start. He has 1 ticket left, so I tell him I'll buy him 2 more tickets to make 3 and that was it. After that he can have a hotdog or something and we'll sit down. So I put him in line and he waits with his 2 dollars. I look up and here comes Billy Bob and his sister/babymama Amy Jo and there 3 dingy azz kids. I say dingy cause it looked like they let the baby bumpkin roll around in the hay for half the day and the other kids had on a Confederate's Rule shirt. They coast in front of Ty. So I say hell naw. I tap her on her shoulder nicely and say," excuse me, but he was in line before you." I take Ty and slide him in front of the incest clan. So she says to her brother," If she touches me one more time I know somethin." Me being the from the hood to the suburbs.. but don't make me go back to the hood chick I am.. I stared them down waiting for her to point at me. So he says," Who?" She wouldn't say because I was staring at her.. but she did the head twitch towards me. So he says," Who her?" Ok.. yes I am about 5'2... and yes I look like I'm 16 but I will break my size 7 1/2 off in they azz and bust out a 7 piece plus 1 if I break a nail. So he goes on to say that I have no respect.. mind you.. Amy Jo has backed up cause I guess she seen my eyebrow raise up and my lip twist into a Pshhhhhh. I tell him until he knows the definition of respect, then don't say anything else to me.. they cut in line before a 8 year old child. So he says something about I need to just watch my child and tend to my business. Aside from me trying to figure out the warning sign his lone top tooth was trying to wave to me.. and playing Name that Tune with the whistle his missing teeth gave off it seemed like everything in the world paused. I told him that if he knew like I knew.. he would stop his mouth from cashing a check his ass can't handle. I would think twice about mentioning my child again if I were him. I guess somewhere in the mix a State Trooper walked by and he decided not to say shyt else to me. I walked away and then flinched at his scary ass sister. Punk ass.

Never got to see the fireworks at the spot because it started raining hard as hell. So we walked down the hill and got back in the car. In the mist of that crap.. I lost one of my favorite silver hoop earrings, got soaking wet, dropped my glasses in the street, and had mud between my damn toes. A car parked too damn close to my ride that I had to climb through the passenger side to get in my 2-door. THEN.. I hit my side mirror on their damn car.. so I got out cussing and acting a fool cause the car parked in a spot that wasn't a parking space. We finally made it over my granny's house to see the fireworks. So as I sit here now with a million and one mosquito bites and angry because I'm at work.. I say never again will I go there or I swear I'm going to county for assault with a cellphone.

Fuck it.. Naomi can do it... so can I.

you named your baby what?!

2006-06-29T12:55:00.000-04:00

ok, so my family just found out that one of my older cousins just had another baby. A little girl. aww.. it was cute the first, second and third time but this is her ninth kid and my cousin is only 29. I mean.. you really can't expect the family to have another emotion other then," Oh.. ANOTHER one.. what the hell she name this one?"

lmao let me explain. I'm not prissy nor am I bourgeois but my cousin is the epitome of ghetto-fabulous. Matter of fact, that whole entire side of the family is. All of her children's nicknames begin with the letter "P".

I'm laughing as I write this.. but from pumpkin, pickles, pepper, peaches, pear, plum, pikachu.. um, yes.. I stopped at pikachu. I wonder what this one is going to be named.. pumperknickle, pinto bean or passion fruit? Out of those 3, can you guess which one will be the stripper?

*singin ..one of these things are not like the other, one of these things are not the same...* Sorry, I had a Sesame Street moment.

To make matters worse, all of these kids are dubbed with their father's names, girl or boy. Aaron'eisha'... Jere'Montai', you catch the drift. I swear each name has so many accent marks you don't know if it's a name or a curse word in french.

I know this whole post is entirely wrong.. but the madness has got to stop. Anytime my grandma gets told her grandchild is pregnant again, and she says "oh yeah?".. then continues to talk about the latest dream she had and which lottery number it signifies should tell you something.

k.. im done.

weekend wrap-up

2006-06-26T08:24:00.000-04:00

my weekend was busy as hell. Lemme see.

FRIDAY-- So I get a call from this dude, JM, I've been talkin' to him pretty strong for about 2 months now.. we're nice friends. So he calls me at work like.."you busy tonight?" Now peep.. I never know what I'm doing until the day of.. unless it's some pre-planned shit.. other then that I don't know. So I tell him I'm not doing anything after work.. he proceeds to ask me if I wanna catch that "Waist Deep" flick. I say ok.. call me back with the times so we can figure out which one is coo.

Ok.. so around 4:00 p.m. on Friday, still at work, I get a call from the ex. He tells me he's in town from Boston and wants to chill. Since we are still friends, I tell him that I was going to the mall anyway RIGHT after work.. so I could come scoop him. Plus.. Bost.on doesn't have half the fliest shit Clevela.nd has so he was ready to cop some new gear.

So I go scoop the ex.. we'll call him C. Now.. I drive every damn where, so when I ride with someone that is legally capable of driving.. i'll slide to the passenger's seat asap. So he drove, we're chillin, laughin and scarin the white folks. Typical day. He cops some earrings.. them little rose gold hoops and some yellow diamond studs. I cop that new T-Mob.ile MDA phone.. but of course.

Mind you.. I received NO CALL from JM, me being me, I don't call either. I shrug it off and keep chillin. C gets a call from one of his boys to swing by this little Carri.bean Restaurant, so we go through there and meet with his boy and his girlfriend. It's bringing back some vibes from when we used to date, so I'm happy to leave after of course I get this jerk chicken shredded pasta dish.. OMG is was bomb.

Dude was pissy drunk though.. he had about 5 henn and coke's and my half assed malibu drink. Yes he did mix white and dark liquor. Of course I drive now.. cause I love dude.. but i'll be forced to put my 7 1/2 in his ass if he crashes my baby. We get back to my place and we chill on the couch to watch hustle n flow.. I knock out cause I'm beat. This ninja starts to massage my feet and I'm still dead to the world but I REFUSE to give up the panties. So he nods off and I set my phone to go off at 6 because I had to go to meet my girl at the amusement park. I wake up, wash up right fast, wake his ass up.. take him home, come back and shower.. handle my bizz and get on the road.

SATURDAY-- I finally get to the amusement park at about 11 a.m. and meet up with my homegirl from Dayt.on and ehr 2 friends. We chill and since we ALL ride rollercoasters.. it was a wrap. I think I hit up all of them. By the time 4:30 p.m. came, I was ready to head back to Clevel.and and since it was a hour and a half drive.. I dipped. I got back home at about 7 p.m., took a nap til about 9 p.m. then showered, re-dressed and headed to this bowling party my family was giving. Mind you.. the party was til' 1 a.m. so I had to get my sleep.

I bowled.. and you would swear I could bowl but I'm really just O.K. Besides, I'm a dancer so when they were playing the "black" music.. I had no problem dancing and gyrating to the beat with the ball in my hand in the middle of the lane. LOL. Aside from that one uncle that dresses TOO DAMN SHARP for any occassion. I swear we could have had a church car wash, and he woulda walked in with a Aquagreen suit, matching gators, and a hat broke to the side. So him walking into the Bowling spot with q Cantelope suit, matching gators and a matching hat was no different. Then of course.. that one aunt that complains about everydamn thing.. but as soon as she found out the alley had a connecting bar.. she was gone the rest of the night. I swear she didn't come out of the bar UNTIL 1 a.m. Mind you.. she had to tell me bye atleast 4 times. She probably think I was 4 different neices... and get this.. this aunt is atleast 60 years old. She's a Ol' corn whiskey drinker from WAYYY back. Soon as the fun and games ended.. I got home and crashed.

SUNDAY-- I don't go to church like I should.. matter of fact.. I haven't been in a good 7 months. So Sunday.. I slept until 10 a.m. then got up, cleaned, washed clothes, then proceeded to go over my grandmother's house to chill with a few of my aunts and my brother. I got home around 6 and argued with JM cause he tried to play ya girl with the phony.. "you aint call me, so i didn't know if you were still interested in the movies" bit. AHHHH Nigga.. I ain't buyin that bullshit. Swear I need a phone I can just put my fuckin hand through like that movie Ghost Dad... and powder slap him right in the damn grill. THEN.. he goes on to say.. you ain't invite me to Cedar Point OR the bowling jumpoff.

...
PAUSE
...

That was the pregnant.. mothfuckin pause I took on the phone while i re-grouped myself. I told him the Cedar Point thing was a moment to chill with my girl. It was ALL females, no dudes so it would have been out of pocket to have him there with me. As for the bowling thing.. I DID tell him about it and told him if he wanted to go, let me know. I got no response, so I dipped. Case Closed.

MONDAY MORNING-- I get a drunk text at 3:40 a.m. from C .. telling me that he wanted me and all that bullshit. Erhm.. bruh.. I take no steps backwards.. despite how good he was looking.

I can already tell this week is gonna be crazy

butterflies er.. they still do that?

2006-06-16T11:09:00.000-04:00

i went to my brother's baseball game yesterday evening. They killed the kids.. 12-2. Ha.. in yo face.. that's right.. cry nigga.. cry!!!!!!!!

there killa's in the flesh...wooo they beasts.. and a bunch of hyperactive boys.. so they all looking every which way.

there's my boo.. he was starting pitcher.. and he lookin all sad. Why you ask? Cause my damn mama told him he did terrible... so he has a attitude problem. It's okay though.. if I coulda beamed her with a baseball I woulda. I can run..

no really.. I can.

I love my mama.

2006-06-15T16:09:00.000-04:00

Today is my grandma's birthday. For someone that has done so much for me that it is seemingly hard to find things to do for her and tell her how much she means to me. I mean.. I am 24 years old and no matter how many years go by, my "mama" is still my ace.

You see, I was raised by my grandma. Coming into a childhood that was severe. My father was there for the first few years of my life, and around age 8 they separated and he went to West Virginia after he left the military while me and my mother were in Cleveland. My mother was in the military and just recently retired after 30 + years. Around age 11 my mother turned into an abusive alcoholic that decided to shower me with taunts, name calling, threats, fists of fury and faces of spite. Everyday my mother never hesitated to call me bitches, sluts, whores, beat me and whatever else she needed to do before she passed out in a puddle whatever drink she decided to consume that day.

Being an only child, I was a straight A student, honor roll, quiet and often shy kid that loved to have fun but never really got the opportunity. I stayed like that until high school and beyond. My grandma was my outlet. She was the person that I could tell everything to and she would never utter a soul unless I told her to. She was the person that kept telling me to pray and He'll see me through. Age 15, my mother decided to get pregnant and out pops my baby brother Ty. Still an alcoholic, my mother left me to take care of Ty. Day in and day out, I was the one that fed him, changed him, slept with him and put him to sleep throughout the night. Yes, I was the one that was up every hour on the hour changing his clothes because Simi.lac was too heavy for his stomach and he would puke it back up.. often getting back to sleep at 7 a.m. and being woke up by my mother at 8:30 a.m. so that I could get ready for school while she came in the house from working 3rd shift.

Around 16, the drinking and abuse got worse, she never hit my brother but was negligent in her ways, often leaving him unattended while she took a nap and I was at school.. I know because I often found him standing on chairs in the kitchen playing with seasoning spices while she was knocked out on the sofa with a 40 oz.

At age 17 I told my grandma I needed help, I had to get out of that house and with help from my grandfather I was able to move out. Had I not.. she might have killed me or even worse, I might have killed myself. I remember going through bouts of depression, knowig that no one loved me, often my mother would validate that by telling me she was happy she had another kid, cause she loved him more then me. My grandma was my inspiration, she is what kept me going and living. Without her telling me that I could do anything, I probably would have been in a worse off situation.

I left out alot of things that happened throughout my life, alot of hurt and pain, alot of men that came in and out of the house and alot of things that happened to me while doing so.. but

I can say that I love my grandma aka my mama with all of my heart and I can never do too much to tell her so. She was the rock and motivation that a little girl like me needed to develop into the woman that I am today.. I have achieved so much that I am thankful each and every single day to have been blessed with a person like her. As my grandma was with me, I am the person that is trying to be the rock for my brother. He remains to be with my mother until he reaches a certain age.. after that, I am taking custody.

Many times I wonder why did I go through those things, but I realized that those trials were needed to develop my character.

Damn.. the life and times. ..

why oh why

2006-06-12T09:15:00.000-04:00

ok.. so tell me Why?

why did I see the ugliest baby I think I ever saw before in life?
why did the grandfather keep bringing the baby near me and I didn't know whether to get offended, take off my silver hoops and start bobbin an weavin' or walk away upset and mad at the world?

why was I really offended?
why did the baby have a nappy, brownish "Last of the Mohicans" tomahawk hairstyle?
why was the baby staring at me like I was just dead wrong?
why did I make the "you just walked past the area where someone farted and it smells like death warmed over" face?
why did I go back into my grandma's house and asked her if she saw the ugly baby?
why did mama say, " oo chileee i don't wanna see that baby."
why is my grandma funny as shit?
why did we have a convo on ugly kids and my grandma said that the old people used to say ugly babies grow up to be pretty?

*pauses.. I don't believe you.. you need more people"

why did grandma say that all parents think they're kids are the prettiest things ever born?
why do I think I'll be the first parent to know when my kid is ugly?

SMH.. I hope i don't have a ugly kid.. cause i'll give "it" a pep talk like eh.. ya gotta do wha u gotta do.. an keep it movin.

be easy bloggers.

6/6/6 and all that other ish.

2006-06-06T08:32:00.000-04:00

Alright, so as I'm sitting at my desk, drinking my coffee and I had a good blog on this whole "ban against gay marriages" and how it's just a ploy to occupy our minds so that we won't be thinking about the many Americans dying overseas, the skyrocketing gas prices that you need a loan for, the millions of pediphiles that are abusing kids daily, the millions of people that are in poverty, the millions of kids that are going to bed hungry, the millions of people that are dying because they have no health care and the fact that AIDS is wiping out African Americans more and more. Why the fluck are they bothering the gay community? ..if they want to do what they do, let them do it. They have to do what everyone else has to do eventually and that's answer to the man upstairs. So leave them the fluck alone and worry about some more important issues.

But as I gained another moment of clarity.. "Hova"..

I thought about all this nonsense around 6/6/6. I don't see a reason to be scared. Admitting so, that I do not read the Bible as I should.. I do know that it says rejoice in the day the Lord has made so why is everyone running mad and saying today is satan's day? Um.. correction.. My Lord made this day and yes, if you believe in those things like superstition then I guess you are doomed. If today is going to be the day the rapture comes.. then it will be.. just like if He wanted it to come yesterday, it would have came yesterday.

I figure.. if you prepared yourself to walk in His footsteps then you should have nothing to fear. Everyone sins, but no 1 sin is greater then the next so as long as you acknowledge the fact that you have sinned and bring it forth to repent.. then who else you know forgives you continuously for things you should know better doing?

I'll discuss George Dubya aka the spawn tomorrow.

me and you.. yo mama and yo cousin too!

2006-05-24T08:34:00.000-04:00

ridin down the street hittin corners like im in INDY .. after work.. gas tank a quarter past fuckin my wallet again.. window's down.. sunroof open an my system beatin' Elevators by Outkast..

"One for the money yes uhh two for the show
A couple of years ago on Headland and Delowe.."

"damn.. a red light." boppin my head to the beat.. laughin at Andre. lookin to the left at the ground.. "hmph..ya rims is lovely hun." lookin up a little.."black on black, shinin' 06' Maxima.. nice!" ..

"...Over a million sold to this day, niggas that take it lightly

Ninety-six gon be that year that all y'all playa haters can bite me.."

brown-skinned.. nice tone.. thick lips.. shaped sideburns an goatee, .. a sixers (red, white an blue) fitted sittin barely on his head.. fresh cutt.. deep waves. i look up.. make eye contact.. do a twisted smile. he closed mouth smiles an those dimples appear.

"Me and you

your momma and your cousin too

Rollin' down the strip on vogues

Comin' up slammin' Cadillac doors"

"did i just lick and bite my bottom lip?" .. "is he leanin over towards me?" .. i ..on the sly turn down the volume a lil just in case he tryin to say somethin...

"Back in the day when I was younger, hunger

Lookin to fill my belly with that Rally's, bullshit,

pull shit off like it was supposed to be pulled.. "

I look over again an he opens his mouth. it's like the sky was cloudy and the sun emerged out of nowhere..

hell naw.. i'm gettin' blinded by his fuckin' gold grill. the light turns green.. an i NASCAR off..

"..Naw not really but he kept smilin' like a clown

facial expression' lookin silly.."

SMH .. i have got to start this petition against gold teeth!

yes yes.. fly-ness!

2006-05-23T11:14:00.000-04:00

1. tell me why I think I'm fly cause I got a new player installed in my ride yesterday
2. tell me why I'm callin around today to get an estimate on mirror tint
3. why am I goin to the Spa after work today?
4. why is my system bangin though an it display's blue and red
5. why i get my hair microbraided Sunday nite and my head still hurts
6. why my new lipgloss shimmer actually taste like strawberries though..
7. why did i cop the Razr slvr when it was only sold overseas..
8. why cause everyone got it now.. I'm switchin phones
9. why did i lose ma Ipod and haven't found it since Christmas
10. why do I think someone stole it an I was just too busy to notice
11. why did i catch myself about to cop another one
12. why do i have Cingular.. an wanna switch to T-mobile for a sidekick
13. why do i ONLY wanna switch for a Juicy Couture sidekick
14. why did i cop 2 new cd's after i got my player installed
15. why does my player have a remote.. so I think im extra fly
17. why did i skip 16 and i'm too fly to start over?
18. why did I hear that in Philly.. some chick ripped her dude's balls off with her fingernails cause he was cheatin?
19. why was i rollin' when i heard it?
20. why don't i feel bad for dude?
21. why is it still funny?
22. why is almost everyone in my high school graduating class (2000!) pregnant, married, or baby mama'd
23. why do i walk through the kids section of stores an look at the lil' boy's clothes?
24. why do i "aww" out loud
25. why do i think about labor an walk away madd fast
26. why did i get "honked" at by a dude in a minivan
27. lol why did i turn an try to walk away cute.. an my foot went to the side
28. why did i play it off though an walk away casually fly
29. why am i at work tryin to think of more "whys"
30. why i gotta stop though cause i need to do some work..

It's been a minute ..

2006-05-19T08:32:00.000-04:00

This is only a snippet of my bloggin', mind you.. i'm at work and supposed to be workin'.. let me rewind and tell you about what happened yestaday.

so peep.. I'm at my desk at work an the leasin office calls me to tell me they are gonna install the last remaining 3 of my vertical blinds in ma living room. *rewindin furtha* 2 months ago when I first moved in, they went to hang the blinds and 3 were broken, so they had to send them back out and get replacements.. I guess them shits finally came.
*back on track* so she asks me if im at home or work, i tell her I'm at work go ahead in, it's coo. She says ok, by the time I get off.. at 5 p.m., everything should be taken care of. So I don't think nothin of it, I handle my business, go watch my lil' brother at baseball practice.. uh I think that's what they were doin.. or playin WWE with a baseball an bat. *shrugs*

I come home.. open the door.. stare.. close the door.. pause.. breathe.. an open the door again. I swea it looked like I was jacked by Tim the toolman. They didn't hang 3 blinds.. they replaced the whole kitchen counter.. which they were supposed to do before I moved in.. 2 fuckin' months ago.. so bet. I look.. all my shit is pulled out the cabinets and sittin on my table.. my microwave got residue on it from where they was drillin some got damn where. By now.. i'm pissed.. so I go in the bathroom ta look around.. WDF?!?!

the bathroom counter had been replaced.. and all my little girly stuff is moved elsewhere.. on my glass medicine cabinet. So me bein me.. i'm like.. lemme chill.. I go to the pantry an get my bucket.. pour some pinesol in there and start to cleanin up a little.. I have been m.i.a. for a minute.. i go to move the trashcan in the bathroom.. an what the hell do I see? My square framed, black acrylic glasses on the floor, behind the toilet, broken in 2 pieces. I lose my fuckin mind. I start yellin, cussin, an complainin cause wait.. those were a pair of $250.00 prescription glasses an my ass ain't break em. So of course, I call the leasin office and left a voicemail.. it said in nice terms that if someone ain't call me in the office regardin the items that they broke then I was gonna come and see them.. after work.. in the parkin lot. Ok.. it wasn't that bad.. but I did have a nasty tone.

I spent the rest of the day examinin' my crib like I was fuckin CSI .. caulking around the sinks weren't dry.. the cord for the new garbage disposal is danglin.. the puddy in the sink basin is sloppy as shit and smeared all on the metal sink .. the floor got shit all on it.. someone pissed in the toilet an ain't flush ..ARGH .. i hate for my crib to be disrespected.. it wasn't like that from the get.. don't transform it into some other shit..

I ain't clean shit.. I left it alone like they left it.. cause it was of course a crime scene..
*sighs*

I'll have somethin else to blog about soon as my damn slumlord calls me..

i've stepped in an wiped my feet

2006-04-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

to whomever is reading this blog:

I basically started this to relieve stress off of my chest. Sometimes it's easier to write things down then to tell people that would either not understand, or just simply don't offer any kind of helpful solutions or advice.

I guess I'll start this off the right way and put some information about myself forward. I'm a 24 year old, african american female. Independent by nature, my own crib, own car, and a mentally draining career. I am also finishing up my degree full-time at night while working full time during the day. No kids, but I do have a 8 year old brother who I've been taking care of since I was 15. No I didn't type that for any applause or sympathy.. it's a responsibility and I do it well, sometimes learning as I go.

I live in Cleveland, Ohio.. born in Fort Ord, California. I'm a music fiend, 24/7/365, if it's in the shower or while sleeping, I am constantly listening to music. I love anything, r&b, rap, gospel, pop, reggae, reggaeton, jazz, blues, rock (minimal amounts). I'm single, reason being is because I am learning from prior mistakes, when it is time for my heart to take another chance, I will be a little more cautious. I haven't answered alot of things but we have time..

until then. ..